More tales from the crypt.....

Kids, don't try this at home.

So I switched from traffic to probation a couple of weeks ago. Best.
Decision.

EVAH.

Probation is SO much more fun. And the stories? Oh my...


I (help) do the morning PBT's on our clientele - there are 3 of us in the office. And the PBT's for those that don't know - breathalyzers. In the morning. You'd be surprised at how many are more than .000, which is what they SHOULD be at 9:30 in the a of the m. I did one this week, and when the kid came in, he was standing uncomfortably close to me, but I just figure he's a close talker, whatever - you know the type. He blows a .136. For the record - .08 is legally intoxicated. And this kid blew a 136 at 9:30 in the morning. Either he'd been up drinking early, or up late drinking a lot - you do the math. Whoops. So I wait 15 min. and do it again. .135 - and THEN he says to me "is there a problem? I've been drinking a lot of cough syrup"... Um, really? A FEW GALLONS of it maybe??? Dumbass.

Rule #1 - if you're on probation for MIP (minor in possession of alcohol) and have to take a breathalyzer in the morning that you meet with your PO? Don't stay up until all hours of the night drinking.
Rule #2 - if you DO stay up until all hours of the night drinking? Just don't show up. It's worse if you do show up, still drunk.
Rule #3 - certainly don't DRIVE to the courthouse.
Rule #4 - don't think we're stupid. Not only can they all smell it on you - they're all trained to watch for the signs.

Another one came and checked in - I gave him his papers to fill out, and then 20 min. later about 5-6 sheriff's show up in the waiting room - I buzz them into us and ask what the heck is going on. They're looking for a guy with a blue running suit that has a felony firearm warrant. Really? I could swear I just checked him in, but I look out and don't see a blue running suit. So we're talking, mentioning his name, etc. and I look up and a guy in a gray t-shirt is quietly making his way to the door - and I say - "Oh - hey! there he is - gray t-shirt!"... They all go running. Turned out? In the process of robbing a place (obviously armed) he didn't expect that the people he was robbing would have a gun and start shooting at him. Whoops. So he shoots back. And hits his buddy that is between him and the people shooting at him. And his buddy dies. Whoops again.
Lessons here?
#1 - don't rob
#2 - don't bring a gun if you're going to commit a felony
#3 - if you friend gets between you and someone shooting at you - DON'T SHOOT YOUR FRIEND
and finally.... #4 - if you DO happen to do all of the above, *unless you want to get caught by the po-po* don't go to the f**king courthouse to sign yourself up for probation for something else you've done! Dumbass.

See? Way better stories than traffic.

These are just a few tales.... I'm sure there will be more.