Wynonna. That used to be one of my favorite songs. Along with "Nothing Compares to You" by Sinead O'Connor. Oh, oh! And The Pretenders - there was one by them, too. "I'll Stand By You". Yup. That was it. This was the sound track to my life 16-17-18 years ago. When I was young, in love, and thought that could conquer all. Who knew... certainly not me.
I heard "Noone Else on Earth" this morning. A lot of memories came back - like me thinking that Kevin was the love of my life, that I couldn't imagine my life without him. Now I look back and realize that while I may have loved him with just about everything *I* had? He only loved himself. He only cared about himself and his own instant gratification. He's probably still the same, too - which makes me oh so happy that I didn't end up with him. I'm so glad that I regained my sense of self-worth and self-respect. Unlike Jeanne, who always looked at him as a "prize" to be won. Ugh. Prized pig, maybe.
It's taken me a long time to come to the point where I know he wasn't the great love of my life - I just let him hurt me that much. He still has the ability to hurt me - through my son. I say my son, because he is mine. Kevin has nothing to do with him - he can't claim any of the good that is Josh. None of it - that's all me. I blame his selfish traits on his Kevin. LOL
And I am a Mama Bear - and a couple of weeks ago? He made my son cry. That pisses me off. That makes me mad. That makes me want to reach out and hurt back. Makes me want to shove it in his face that he's an asshole and that he walked away from a kid that *IS* the love of my life.
At least I can share what pisses me off, and get it out here - rather than taking it out on a 15 year old kid that just wanted to hear his father's voice. That's right. Just run away, you chickenshit. MA State Police car #165E.....
1 comment:
xoxo
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