Tales from the crypt.... er court....

Overheard lately...

me: "Sir, I'm sorry, does that say that you have 12 kids?"
Roger Rabbit: "yes, ma'am. I heard if you has over 10, you don't got to pay no child support"
**crickets chirping**

crazy lady: I want to speak to someone in charge. This man ruined my life, do you understand me? RUINED MY LIFE!
me: ma'am, he did not show up for his hearing, so a bench warrant will be issued.
crazy lady: I'm sick of bench warrants!!
me: ma'am, I understand your frustration, but the court's hands are tied as to what we can do.
crazy lady: I want you to go and smash is door in, that's what I want!
me: ma'am, I'm a probation assistant, I cannot go smashing doors in.
crazy lady: then get the police to do it! I drive by his house EVERY DAY and I know he's in there!
**yes, it went on. Turns out, it's a case where he owes her $5,500 for a job that was never finished (and she KNEW he wasn't licensed).
My thoughts? If your life is RUINED over $5,500? You don't have much of a life. And if she's driving by the guys house every day? She needs to take up knitting, needlepoint - something. It's been going on for a few years. Seriously? Nuts.

guy on phone (at 9:00am): I'm calling for my girlfriend, she can't be in court today.
me: Um. She was supposed to be here at 8:30, and maybe SHE should be on the phone instead of you?
guy on phone: oh, OK - here she is.
Girl on phone: Yeah, I can't be there because I don't got nobody to watch my kids.
me: oh, well I will transfer you to the Judge's staff. But I can tell you, unless you're here, the Judge is NOT going to be happy.
**my thoughts about the babysitter: WHAT ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND THAT JUST CALLED IN FOR YOUR LAZY ASS??????
She showed up at 11.

voice on phone: yeah is Jeanette there.
me: We have a Janet, is that who you're looking for?
voice: yeah.
me: Can I tell her who's calling?
voice: ;aldkjfa;sldkfjasd a;dlkfjas;dlfkjasd
me: Excuse me?
voice: a;dlskfja;sdflk ad;lkfjads;flkadsj
me: I'm sorry, I can't understand you...
voice: A;SLDKJFA;SDFKLJ!! A;DLKJFASDFLKJ!!
me: Janet? A;LKDJA;SDLKFJADSF A;LKDJFASDF;LKJADF is on the phone, maybe you can understand him..
**my thoughts? Seriously? What the FUCK are people thinking when they're naming their kids these days? You wouldn't believe some of the ridiculous names that come across my desk on a DAILY basis!

dumbass: How long this gonna take?
me: someone has to review your file, hopefully not too long.
dumbass: I heard you don't got to do no community service if yo' pregnant, is that true?
me: if the Judge orders you to do community service, they'll find light work for you to do.
dumbass: huh.
other girl I work with: how far along are you?
dumbass: oh, I don't have far to go now, just a couple of months! (**she looks about 8 months)
me: when are you due?
dumbass: I'm not sure. I didn't go see no doctor yet. I'm almost 3 months though!!!
**crickets chirping again**