LOL

OK - some may find this offensive - but really, douche is the word of the week.. So Jeanne?  Peg?  This is for you....

Random Monday Musings....

I really want to punch some more people in the face.  Like my friend's stepson's mother.  She has the audacity to make fun of his father for trying to track him down when he hadn't been heard from in over 48 hours.  Called him a "drama king" on facebook.  Seriously?  I couldn't help myself.  I said that at least he gaave a shit enough to worry about him.  She's a douche of the nth degree.

My sister.  She's my sister by birth, but really?  I don't know where she came from.  She's got some control issues, and refuses to share any information with me about a number of things that really, she should be sharing.  She's another douche, right now.

I think douche is the word of the day. 

I spent yesterday afternoon with my friend's 2 girls.  Why?  Because she's in the hospital with her 10 year old that they just found out has cancer.  Seriously???  What the hell kind of God is there that pulls THIS shit?  I mean really, it's bad enough that my brother has ALS and his kids have to watch him decline.  Now this?  Where is the silver lining in all this?  So I want to punch God in the face for thinking that this is OK.  Because it's not.

People that I've sent my resume to that can't even bother to respond with a "fuck off, we don't like you".  I'm qualified for your jobs, dammit.  In some cases, MORE than qualified.  Fine.  I didn't want to work for you anyway.  Douches. 

Yeah.  Take THAT Monday.  You're a douche too. 

Saturday 9...

Saturday 9: Look Out Here Comes Tomorrow (RIP Davy Jones)

OK - well, it's Friday.  I'll be early.  I'm a rebel like that..





1. How much do you worry about your future?
Not much.  I figure that whatever will happen, will happen.  I'm kind of laid back that way.  I don't panic about not having enough money for retirement, or where I'm going to be 10 years from now. 

2. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect?
LOLOLOLOL  That's damn funny.  I bet even Brad Pitt has gas on occasion.  Nobody is perfect.


3. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for?
To live a good long life, get to see my kid grow up to an adult and have his own (for payback, of course :) ) and to do everything on my bucket list that I haven't made up yet.  :)




4. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need?
LOL  Again - this one is funny.  Gave someone a place to live, a car to drive, work, help with her kids, you name it.  Don't ask what she did in return.  Just do a search for "FFW"  LOL


5. What did you do lately that was really brave
Sent a letter to someone that told him things about his father I'm sure he didn't know.  I knew it would piss the father off, but it was the right thing to do - it wasn't about the father.  It was about the child.  He'll (the father) never get that.


6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do.
Gain that 20 lbs.  It's a bitch to get it off after 40.  But I'm doing it! 


7. Who is the wisest person you know?
Hmmmmmmmm...... Not sure about that.  I'm a wise-ASS.... there isn't one person that I go to for advice any more - it used to be my aunt Harriet.  But she's gone.  That wasn't very wise of her to go and leave us all in the lurch.  And while she was wise?  She interjected her feelings into everything.  She was fun. I miss her. 


8. What's the most tasteless joke you've ever heard?

How many [insert racial/ethnic type her] does it take to change a lightbulb... 


9. What does your answering machine / voice mail message say?

Answering machine?  Do people actually still have those?  It says "you've reached the Queen of the Universe.  If you wish to become my slave hit "1".... if you wish to live in the kingdom hit "2".... Duh...  It says you've reached me, leave a damn message...

Sexy Saturday Stuff

Saturday 9: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy

1. When do you feel that you are at your sexiest?
Um.  Really?  You think I'm sexy?  I haven't felt very sexy lately.. Thanks for telling me that!  Oh.  Wait.  Were you talking to me?  You weren't?  Fine.... Dammit...

2. What's your favorite magazine? Why?

I love Real Simple.  Because it's real.  And simple.  And real simple.  Yeah.  That's why. 

3. What’s something you do more quickly than most people? 

Take tests.  I don't know what it is.  The only test I ever had a problem with was that little pink line one.  Whoops!  

4. When do you first remember using a computer? 

In the late 80's?  Come on.  I'm old.  Don't ask me shit like that.  I remember going on the internet - and all sites had an .edu at the end.  How's that?

5. Who is the craziest person in your family? 

Snort.... seriously?

6. What one thing are you craving today? 

Walls that are straight.  My builder sucks.  My walls aren't level.  

7. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? 

Stuff..  

8. What’s the part of your morning you least look forward to every day? 

Monday through Friday?  Going to work.  It's brutal.  If I were a lazy slug, I'd be happy as a clam - but I'm not.  So I'm miserable.  

9. What are some rules you have for yourself that don’t really make much sense? 

Always come home with the person you went with.  Trust me.  It works.  

My day today...

So far?

So far I’ve filled tray #1. Stamped yesterday’s mail. Dropped off today’s mail.  There may be some mail up on the counter waiting for me to come and stamp it.

Listed my "old" Kitchen Aid on Craigslist for $175 (that’s a good deal, isn’t it?)  I got  a brand spankin' new one last weekend in a silent auction.  It's pink.  I like pink. 

Now I’m debating what to update my facebook status to.

Not sure if I've posted about this, but in October I stopped paying my mortgage.  My payment was raised to such an amount because of an escrow shortage that I couldn't afford it.  I'd been asking to refinance for almost a year, and because I hadn't graduated and the big "we don't know how much your student loan payment is going to be" - they wouldn't do it.  But get this - if I'd gone to law school and deferred the loans for another 3 years?  Then they would have. 
Anyway.  I applied for a modification because it was just too much.  They said no.  Apparently I had $36/month extra.  Really?  Where's that?  I was also told that it'd be easier to get approved if I was 60 days behind.
So I just kept paying it late.  Then applied for another modification.  They said no.  Apparently I wasn't behind enough.   Now I'm told I need to be 90 days late for Rural Development (USDA - who the loan is through) to approve it.  Mind you - at this point, I'm like 82 days late? 
So I stop paying it. 
I continue to pay my other bills.  They're not late.  They're all caught up now!  Because when you stop paying your mortgage - you have ALL sorts of money that you can pay stuff with.  Who knew?
Anyway.... Yesterday?  I get a call from the bank.  Apparently, they've approved my THIRD request for modification.  They waive all late fees.  I get a 3.75% interest rate instead of the 6.25 that I had.  My payment goes down $300.  Yup.  $300.00.  Isn't that fabulous?  It's too bad that it only took four months of NOT paying it to get them to work with me.  And people wonder what's wrong with the banking system? 

Now, because it's not going into foreclosure?  I have to finish painting.  Dammit.  LOL

Happy Friday!

Sunday Fun Part III

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Part 3

Cheers to all of us thieves!

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Look, didn't I answer this last week?  She's STILL a filthy whore, dammit.  I don't care what you say!

52) What is your astrological sign?
I'm a scorpio and I like long walks on short piers...

53) Do you save money for anything? What?
Things I want?  It's so much better than stealing them.  Right now I'm saving for a moving truck.  And some rent. 

54) What's the last thing you purchased?
Food.  What's your last thing? 

55) Have you ever had a relationship that you realized was lust not love?

Really?  I'm in my 40's.  It's not all love. 

56) In a relationship?

What's it to you?  Really.  MYOB (that's mind your own beeswax in case you didn't know)...

57) How many relationships have you had?
Where I've had carnal knowledge, or not?  Again - I'm in my 40's.  I'm not going to count. 

58) What do you want to tell us about your day?
That as soon as I'm done with this silly meme I'm going to take a shower and then go to Walmart for some essentials.

59) Where were you yesterday?
In your Dad's pants.  Come on. 

60) Is there anything interesting within 10 feet of you?

There are a LOT of interesting things - anything specific you're looking for?  I could take scans of some of it - I'm sure a lot of people would find some of it VERY interesting...

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

Maybe.  Are you wearing underwear?

62) What's your favorite animal?
Um... puppies and unicorns?  yet ANOTHER dumb question BUD!!!  LOL

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"..

64) Where is your best friend?

Which one?

65) How did you end your last relationship end?

I said "I'll call you"...

66) What is your heritage?

Irish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Your dad AND your mom

68) What's new?

New Jersey, New Guinea, New York, New Brunswick, shall I go on?

69) What is the key to seduction?

Show up naked.  Bring beer.

70) What was the weirdest thing that happened to you this week??

I realized that for once, all of my bills are caught up and paid.  Well, except the mortgage.  But we won't talk about that.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I didn't like that stupid job anyway.  My boss is an asshole.  Here doggy.. doggy... doggy....

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Get a 2nd opinion. 

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.

For what, a week, a year, life? 

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Walking on Sunshine

75) Who has your cell phone number (other than family)?

Another dumb one.  Everyone that can find it.  Really.  Eeesh.

Sunday Funday :)

** I skipped part 1 last week.  I was too busy.. um.... sleeping?  LOL


Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Part 2

Cheers to all of us thieves!

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
As opposed to what?  The person I haven't become?  Really?  I'm happy with myself right now, there are parts of my life that need change, but I'm not UNhappy as a person..

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

This nasty slurpy sound that Josh makes, it's gross.  Love?  ocean waves. oh, and the dings from the slot machine as it tells me that I won $100 (or more)

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
Hahahahahaha we don't want to go there

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

That's a dumb question.  How about I don't answer that one?

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Another dumb one.  My hands are on the keyboard.  How's that? 

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
my cereal

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

The crack motel outside of Chicago that we stayed in for the Jimmy Buffet concert.  We should have known it was bad with the blue cow out front and the pimp daddy out back in his Bentley.  And then there was the blood on the bathroom floor/walls...

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
For what?  I've been to both, I love both - but for different reasons.  For wine, I'll take the left please, sports teams - the right.  LOL

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Who makes these questions up? Will you be my friend, circle yes or no...

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
#42.  Duh.

36) Define: Art.
Define:  dumb question

37) Do you believe in luck?
Hells yeah

38) Patriots or Giants? Or, who gives a rat's ass?

No question about it - GOOOOOOO PATS!!!

39) Will you watch the game? If yes, with who?
Um, duh... of course!  With whoever is going to be at the Finn's house

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
While driving, or while stopped?  I've had both happen. 

41) What was the last book you read?
I'm reading "Explosive Eighteen" now that I finished "Smokin' Seventeen"

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Do you like the smell of farts?  Really? Who makes this shit up?

43) Do you have any nicknames?
Yes.  (You didn't ask what they were so I'm not telling)

44) What was the last movie you saw?

One for the Money - not bad but I'm not crazy about Katherine Heigl as Stephanie Plum. 

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
I've had my nose broken 3 times.  My heart broken at least once.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
No.  What the hell would I do with it?  That's dumb.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Besides doing silly meme's?  No

48) What's your sexual orientation?

How big is your penis?

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
LMAO That's funny...

50) Do you believe in magic?
In a young girls heart... 

Saturday 9 - Our House

Our House play along - here



1. I read that Bud Weiser & Kathy moved into their new house! When was the las time you moved? Where to?
Well congrats to Buddy Weiser and not-me-Kathy!  The last time I moved was from a rental into my new house that we'll be moving out of within the next few months to move back east to God knows where.  I could be living on the Highway to Hell for all I know.  It feels like it sometimes....
2. If they were making a Hall of Fame for the blogosphere, name a blogger or two who you think should make the list. Why?

Oh, I love me some dirty words - you can get plenty of them here - plus she's interesting...  I like her.  Another one - even if you don't read her stuff, which you should, she lives in a beautiful place..  check out Pseudo here..
3. What are couple of funny things you remember your parents saying? (Like, “They're starving there in China, so finish what you've got.” - John Lennon) Do you say them to your kids?

Your face will freeze like that.. There are starving children in India.. stuff like that.  Oh, wait - "get out of the house and go talk to Mr Kibby at the bank".. Sure Mom, I'll go hang with the pedophile AGAIN....4. What is something that has happened to you that you would consider a miracle?

I could be totally sappy here and say my son - but I won't.  A miracle... miracle... that I never killed myself or anyone else in my drinking & driving days - way back when I used to work 3-11 and then go hang out at the secret cop bar until 6AM and then drive home.  Now that - THAT was a miracle. 
5. What is it too late for?
Having any more kids.  I'd have to find a willing penis.  And then get to know it.  And by the time I'd trust them enough - I'd be 95.  So forget it.  No more babies for me - unless I adopt.  And then, really, how the hell am I supposed to take care of a newborn by myself again??  Really.  I don't like this question. 

6. What do you try to stay away from?

Trouble.  But for some reason???  It seems to always find me.  I have NO idea how. 

7. When you get into a disagreement or fight, how often are you the first to apologize?

When I'm wrong - which isn't often, let me tell you - I'll apologize first. 
8. Tell us about a current issue that you’re unhappy with.

The fact that a letter was mailed to me via another address on January 23rd - and that person then sat on it for a week before forwarding it to me.  Passive-agressive much? 

9. How often do you update your blog/site and why?

Whenever I feel like it - sometimes once a day, sometimes once a week.  Sometimes more or less often than that.  What's it to you?  There are a lot of personal questions here...

People I want to punch in the face....

Seriously...

- myself, sometimes.  Especially today.  No supervisors so I brought a book.  Janet Evanovich's "Explosive Eighteen".  Start reading it, realize that I never read "Smokin' Seventeen".. Whatthefuckever...  Fine.  I'll go to the library.

- P at work.  Just for being dumb. Really dumb.  And someone actually gave her a Masters Degree?  Really??

- S at work.  Same thing.  Only she's obnoxious about it - and for some reason has diarrhea of the mouth lately.  At least once a day I have to save someone from her by calling them from my cell and feigning some sort of disaster..

 - people that can't drive.  Get the hell out of my way, moron.

- Stupid people.  no.  Really.  Twice.  Just because they're f'ing dumb.   And then even another time for those that reproduce and further the stupidity in their spawn....

- my son's father.  Just because and on principle.  And then the rest of his family, too (that know about the boy and ignore his existence).  Because they're all dumb.  Or stupid.  Or both. 

-  ALS.  I'd like to punch it in the face for invading my brother's body.  if it had a face, that is.   Stupid ALS. 

 - Rich people.  They' all crazy.  And don't share.  I miss when I was rich......


Enough for today..

No matter how bad you think it is?

There is always someone worse off.  I just got this email from my friend Kim, that works at a community center. 

"So I just helped this lady with food. She hadn't eaten in two days. She was so weak and shaky... I had to sit her down and give her something to eat so she wouldn't pass out. She lives in that ratty ass motel next door. No oven. No stove. Just a microwave and a hot plate. And no can opener. So then I'm pulling down food and she starts crying.




A year ago she had a house, a job, etc and now this is where she is. Oy vey."

She could only give her so much food, because of no can opener.

How awful :(