I carried a watermelon??

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Four


Not sure what happened to one through three, but heck - I'll play along :)  Click here to do so yourself


61. Ocean or pool?
oh silly - anyone that knows me knows the answer to this - OCEAN.  I am afraid of all things lake, and while I love the pool - the ocean had me at hello.

62. Fridays or Ruby Tuesdays?
Mmmmmm food....... does it really matter?


63. Did you want to go to college?
When I graduated from high school?  Not so much - I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I was also told that if I wanted to go to find the money for it myself - but that if I chose to NOT go to college, I had to get a job and pay room/board.   Another stellar parenting example... 


64. What did you last time at a mall?
Der tondoffer tordoff is einfach grossartich... Seriously?  Does anyone proofread this shit?

65. Which close friend have you known the longest?
Karen - we lived next door to each other, we were bff's for many years - she's still one of my bff's.  :)


66. Why do you like the music you do?
You know - I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight.  Why do you ask the questions you do?


67. Do you read much?
only the notes from your Mom..


68. Favorite country?
You know, you should call a fraternity a "frat" - it's like calling your country... well... you know where I'm going with this.  Another dumb one.


69. What is something you wish you were better at?
How to win friends and influence people.  Yeah.  That and learning to keep my mouth shut.  But dammit, someone has to speak up sometimes!


70. What’s your favorite album/CD?
Bruce. 


71. What's a good dinner order?
Get in the kitchen and make me a turkey pot pie, bitch.


72. Planes or boats?
Planes, trains or automobiles.  I carried a watermelon.


73. One rumor that’s been spread about you:
HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
Wouldn't you like to know?!?!?


74. Who is your newest friend?
Your mom's husband


75. Have you ever sat on a rooftop?
Ever hear the song "Up on the Roof"?  Great song.  Good memories.  Rooftop.  Yup. 


76. Was your last text useful?
Probably.  It was about your mom. 
77. Favorite soda?
Diet Pepsi - and it's nice to see that someone knows not to call it "paaaaaaaaaap" in my presence.

78. Do you like yourself?
I'm fucking awesome - you don't know that?
79. The worst weather: Hot or cold?
That frigid shit in Siberia.  Shoot me before ever sending me there.

80. Do you play an instrument?
flute.  the metal one.

Crikey that was a biggun....

Over 100 views yesterday alone - sheesh... like moths to the flame when there is drama involved.  It's always nice to know that other people have it going on in their lives, right?

Anyway.  I'm not a horrible person, regardless of what Anonymous and Anonymous may think or say.  Unless you know me, or have walked a mile in my shoes - don't judge.  And certainly don't throw rocks when you're living in a glass house. 

Yep.  I called something unfair.  You know why?  Because it was.  Did I poke the beast out of frustration for not being updated?  Yup.  I'll admit it.  Am I perfect?  Nope - far from it.  But do I have sympathy for someone that takes on a martyr role?  Absolutely not. 

I am who I am - and what you see is definitely what you get - and some people have a hard time dealing with that.  Especially people who like to stick their heads in the sand rather than deal with something that might make them uncomfortable - or admit that they, too, aren't perfect.

Anyway.  Enough of the drama. 

How about a question of the day?


What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

I loved the Brady Bunch - I imagined that Jan was my best friend, because I knew that if we ever met in real life, that her name really was Jan, and that she'd like me.  And want to be my best friend.  And I'd grow up and marry her brother Peter, and Marcia would do our makeup for the wedding.  Seriously.  I always imagined that someone from a show was my best friend.  Valerie Bertinelli and I were BFF's for a LONG time.. 

I'm in it deep already, so what the heck...

So this email I sent to everyone back in February, trying to explain why I was upset and what about.   Big surprise - except for an email from my younger brother, acknowledging my frustration - this was ignored.   I also made it clear that what is happening to my brother is beyond all of our control, and that it's awful - but what we DO have control over?  How we treat each other.   So Kristen, Anonymous?  What do you say now? Hi all - I’m not really sure how to say a lot of this without coming across bitchy – so I apologize in advance – but I’m really upset and feel that I need to say something – regardless of the whole situation and why we’re in it.    When I was at the cottage in July – I had NO idea that it was going to be my last time there.  Had I known what was going on, I might have had an idea that the sale might happen – and I could have looked around to see what, if anything, I would want when the cottage was sold.  But I didn’t know what was going on with K for another couple of months (*my brother waited almost a year to share his diagnosis of ALS with me). I live in Michigan.  I don’t live in MA.  I don’t have the “luxury” of being able to be there in 45 minutes, which is what I tried to convey back in January when I was asking about taking things out of the house if/when it sold.   When we talked about it back at Thanksgiving, I mentioned to K that one thing I definitely wanted out of the house was the Castle Island print.  He mentioned at the same time that he wanted the print in the living room.  In January, I also mentioned it in an email to everyone –I thought I was pretty clear.  So I was very surprised yesterday when I was told that P is taking the print.   Had the situation been reversed, I would have said no, that P wanted it – and that she’d made that clear.  But apparently my thoughts just don’t seem to matter, from what it appears?   I’m SORRY that I live in Michigan right now.  I’m SORRY that I haven’t been there to help.    But does that negate anything other than my ¼ ownership in the cottage?  Apparently so.   For P to be offered the print as a thank you for her help is great – but K – you’re not the owner of all of it.  You’re the trustee.  We ALL own it – and we ALL should have agreed before anything was taken out or given away.   Anything else isn’t fair to anyone.  I hope B was given a chance to say if he wanted anything.  Had I know that there was even an offer on the house, I would have tried to arrange to fly out and help clear things out – what I wanted completely aside.  I’ve offered a number of times to do this.  But I’m not told about it until all is said and done – and a closing date is within two weeks.  I’m asked “what do you want out of the house” with an almost immediate answer required.   So as a result, there are things that I want that were missed.   I am off on Monday, and could have flown out this weekend – but now buying a last second ticket will cost much more than if I’d bought it even last week.  Also, I asked about the victrola, and was told that “Dad asked for that” – same with the “DD” sign.  I’m sorry – Dad’s NOT one of the owners of the cottage.  For him to get preference over anyone that IS unfair and not ok as far as I’m concerned.  Dad – love you, BUT the cottage was Mom’s part of the divorce – yours was the sailboat.   Mom left the cottage to the four of us – including its contents.   I think that if K, P, B or I wanted something out of the house – we should have preference over you.  I’ve been very frustrated and left out of most things – probably because I live in Michigan.  I’ve expressed this frustration a number of times, and still get left in the dark until the very last minute. And I know that in the end – it’s all just “stuff”.  And the memories are so much more important than any kind of stuff.  But it should have been done fairly, and it wasn’t.  I was furious about this yesterday, now I’m just upset and sad that whatever I say just doesn’t seem to matter.  And nope – it’s not all about me.  I get that.  And Peg – I know that I was bitchy yesterday and for that, I apologize.  But you have been pretty bitchy to me throughout this whole process.  And your offer to go get the wagon and leave it at Michelle’s for me was just insulting.  I would have at least asked if there was anything else that you wanted.  I’ve been awake since 2:30 this morning.  I keep running through my head the fact that I want to move home, and all I can think of now is WHY did I want to do that?? Love to you all – K

the email heard round the world...

Since she's decided to read here, I'll share an email that I sent to my dear sister months ago.  She answered, but didn't acknowledge or answer any of my questions - she turned it around on me and made it seem like I was making things up and made it all about me.  Which I hadn't done. 
So anonymous - maybe now you'll answer? 


I can't help but think that there is something going on that I have no
idea about. You rarely answer my calls, and when you do - you always
have to go and say you'll call back but then don't.


I hear things from other people - but nothing from you.


I hear you're mad that Tracey and Bruce came to Michelle's while I was
there and you weren't invited. Nobody was invited, and we didn't know
Tracey and Bruce were coming over until they showed up. I think
Michelle texted you to come over (Only because her phone was closer
than mine) but you said no. I was originally supposed to stay with
you - and you invited Tracey and I to go to your reunion with you-
and somehow you completely forgot about that when I asked. And that's
why I stayed with Michelle.

I come out there for an interview - no "good luck" - no "what are you
doing while you're here" nothing.

I write emails asking you direct questions - and you ignore them. You
answer what you feel like, and that's it. You give very INdirect
answers to direct questions, and then it's like a dance to get you to
answer something - I have to word it three different ways before you
will finally answer.


I just don't get it.

I hear you're still mad that I contacted Erin. Big whoop. That's
between Ken and I. And I did NOT contact her behind his back - if
you'd ever stopped to listen, you would know that. But you've got
your nose so far out of joint that I did contact her you're at the
point of biting it off to spite your face. Not to mention that you've
missed out on getting to know your niece - who happens to be a great
kid.


Maybe you still have issues with being mad at Mary when she died. I
don't know. Maybe you feel the need to take control over as much as
you can - including the sharing of information - with Ken because of
that. Again - I don't know.


What I DO know, however - is that you're my sister. We may not have
always gotten along - we probably will never be as close as we
could/should be. I feel closer to our cousins than I do you -
because I always feel like no matter what I do - you're judging me, or
pissed off at me for something - and I have no clue why.

And this isn't just since the whole issue with Ken - it's been for a
long time. I come home for one week and go to the Cape - and you
always have excuses why you can't come down there. What happened
there that was so traumatic that you can't go there? Because I hear -
again, from other people, that you just can't go there because you
have too many bad memories. Seriously? I don't get it.



Life is too short, Peg. I prefer to live it in the present - not in the past.




Whatever it is - maybe I can help? Maybe we could talk - I don't
know. But I do also know it's not in my head.

You'll shank a what?!?

Saturday 9: Crown of Creation <----- click here to play along




1. Do you understand a belief model based on creationism?
Huh?  Do you believe in hedonism?  Come on, what the hell kind of question was that...

2. Is your house run more like a dictatorship or a democracy?
I like to tell my son that he's living in a benevolent dictatorship.  He gets to do what I decide, and he'll like it dammit...
3. Are you likely to forgive a transgression and give someone a second chance?
Depends.  If you're a face eating zombie, probably not.  If you can't control your penis and it seems to keep finding itself places it shouldn't be, again - probably not.  But if you lie to me to make yourself look better?  Something like that, maybe.  Seriously. 
4. Is religion a big part of your life?
I heart Jesus.  Jesus loves me, yes he does..........
I think that everyone needs a reason to believe.  I believe that it's Friday -and that's good enough for me, for now.
5. Do you feel your job (or your spouse's if you work at home) is safe?
Yes....  Jesus.... someone shoot me.

6. Do you believe in gay marriage? Why?
Here's my thing.  I don't CARE.  I don't care who can marry who - because in the end, I'm still single dammit!  My cousin and his partner have been together longer than anyone else I know.  Why can't they get married?  I think the whole thing is freaking stupid.   Nobody should be able to say "you, you, you, not you, not you, you, you, you" it should be equal for all.
7. Do you think the current U.S. war will lead to a more peaceful world?
I'm sorry.  Did you say peaceful and world in the same sentence?

8. Do you like people with swagger?
Hells no.  Come over here and I'll shank a bitch.  Swagger this, homey.

9. What kind of budget do you live on, is it tight or carefree?
Budget?  Second question to make me spit out my soda onto my screen.  I live day to day, minute to minute, and occasionally paycheck to paycheck.  Most often I don't get that far.



Thanks so much for joining us again at Saturday: 9. As always, feel free to come back, see who has participated and comment on their posts. In fact sometimes, if you want to read & comment on everyone's responses, you might want to check back again tomorrow. But it is not a rule. We haven’t any rules here. Join us on next Saturday for another version of Saturday: 9, "Just A Silly Meme on a Saturday!" Enjoy your weekend! (239)

As big as a WHAT??

Click the link to play along :)

Saturday 9: Self Esteem

1. How was your self esteem growing up?
Well, let's see - here are some memorable quotes:

My mother:  "Stop eating, you look like the side of a barn" Which, of course, led to more eating because what the hell, if I look like that already...

My sister:  "She's the pretty one in the family but she's fat"

Jens:  "You're just not special"... (you can read about him here)

Now?  I know I'm queen of the freaking universe.  Beauty isn't just on the outside - it's what is inside too, and Jens?  Suck it.  You weren't worth the dirt on the bottom of my shoe. 

2. Do you ever have a hard time with morals?  

 Morals schmorals... LOL  I've had a hard time in the past figuring out what's right and wrong, and sometimes I did things right, sometimes I didn't.  Now that I'm a "grown up"?  It's easier.  I have to set an example, and if I do wrong - explain why.   So while I used to have the morals of an alley cat (not really, that just sounds good doesn't it?) - I don't have a hard time with them any more.  I recognize others that are lacking in them, though.  Geez, who knew there were so many that, as adults, had NONE?  

3. Do you eat in bed? If yes, what? 

Really?  This is just a funny question...  LOLOLOLOL   Have you watched 9 1/2 weeks lately?  Or read 50 Shades of Grey?  You dirty dirty boy.... 

4. What was the last movie you hated and why? 

Hmmm.... I walked out on Amadeus.  I thought it was boring.  That could really be the last one.. 

5. Have you ever felt that you lost it all? If yes, explain. 

Never.  I've felt like I'm in the swirling vortex of a whirlpool, but always end up catching a life preserver just in time.  I've got the love of my son, my friends and most members of my family - so even if I lost all of my material possessions?  I'd still have all that.  So in that respect - I'm rich.  

6. Have you ever been stalked? 

Oh, my God.  Yes.  It was creepy, dude!!  My ex, JFA, used to drive by my house and beep.  Now, here's the weird thing - I lived on a dead end street with 5 houses.  NO reason for him to be there.  It took me copying the Massachusetts statue on stalking and sending it to him with a note that he should read it, and if he failed to understand - that I'm sure that the police department could explain it to him.  And to GO THE FUCK AWAY.  I even told him that when it came time to do his 12 steps - he should consider himself forgiven already.   No need to contact me for it or to make amends.  The guy was a highly functioning alcoholic, and thought nothing of drinking and driving - and lashing out when he was jonesing for a drink.  Buh bye...  Last I heard - he'd been arrested twice for OUI and once for violating a restraining order - looking in another ex's windows.  I think I got away fairly unscathed and for that, I'm thankful.   

7. Do you believe in 'self help' for problems, or do you prefer therapy? 

Shit, I'll take whatever help I can get - know anybody that deals in "how to fuck up your sibling relationships in 20 moves or less"?  I know of at least 3 people other than myself that can use that course...  I have to admit, though, that my son's therapist told me this week he has a wee bit of a crush on me.  He thinks I'm a kick-ass single parent and loves the way I deal with stuff.  Now if only others could seem to get that.. LOL 

8. What celebrity do you think should make a run for office?
None of them.  I think they should all stick to what they know best, and put a woman in the President's office - THAT will show everyone how to kick ass, not to fuck with someone having a hot flash AND how to balance a budget.  Guys are dumb. 

9. Do you believe in happy endings? (We do. That why this is the last question!)

God, I hope so!  I'm still looking for mine! 

Perception vs. Reality

A friend of mine attended this Life Class at the Oprah studios in Chicago yesterday -
Hard Conversations and how to have them

I got to thinking about my situation - or situations...   I've been upset with my father for what seems forever.  He isn't the type of father that is there on a day to day basis - great in an emergency, don't get me wrong, and he takes my son for a week each summer - but not there like the typical father/grandfather.  He's more there for my stepsister and her family - but I think that has lots to do with my stepmother and her being that kind of mother to her kids, if that makes sense.  I graduated from college last year - and he called.  That was wonderful.  Never sent a congratulations card.  No gift.  Nothing else than a phone call.  And that hurt, I'll admit it.  In 8 years he's come out to visit me once.  And that was when I was living in a million dollar house, and they came for 2 days and he was more interested in the price of real estate around me rather than what was going on in my life.   I get mad when he forgets my birthday.  It's happened for years.  And yesterday - I stopped.  Why do I continue to bang my head against the wall?  He is not going to change.  What needs to change are my expectations.  My perception is that my father is someone that really does care, and wants to be there, he just forgets a lot.  Reality is - he cares, in his own way, and not the way I want him to.  I have to wrap my head around that.  He is never going to change.  He is happy the way he is - *I* am the one with the problem.  Seriously - I'm 46.  You think I would have gotten that by now? 

He refuses to step into the shitstorm between my siblings and I.  Said we're all adults, etc. and that he doesn't want to get involved or take sides.  My perception is that he kind of has already.  Reality?  I don't know.  I'm just sick of all of it and want the whole thing to be over. 

Perception?  My life is wonderful, my kid is wonderful, I love everything and everyone....

Reality?  My life is good - not great - but good.  I can't stand my job - it's so below my skill level my brain is going to mush.  I'm actually writing this AT work - so you can tell how busy I am.  Even when I have work to do these days, I wait until the last minute to get it done.  My kid isn't wonderful - he's a pain in the ass.  He's manipulative, spoiled and needs a swift kick in the ass.  I'm working on that.  :)  I love everything and everyone?  Come on now - anyone that knows me knows that's just bullshit.

Happy Thursday ~

Maybe I'm the one... who is....

Saturday 9: Touch Me in the Morning

1. Who or what sleeps with you?

My cat..  or my kid... I usually kick them both out - I'm used to sleeping alone and I like it, dammit! 

2. Last time you saw your high school best friend?
Julie-Julie bo Bulie!  Um.... last time I was "home" I think.  I usually try and meet up with her.  Next time will be in June!

3. What do you do when you're sad?

Play Bejeweled.  Cry.  Have a big old pity party for myself. 

4. What do you wear when you are relaxing around the house?

Sweats and a t-shirt.  Hey!  That's what I have on right now!

5. What did you do immediately after high school?

I was told I had 30 days to get a full time job or I'd be kicked out of the house.  Oh, and I had to start paying increased room & board.  Thanks Mary.  You were such an inspiration...

6. Is anyone on your bad side right now?

I have a bad side?  I know the left side doesn't always work, but I wouldn't refer to it as "bad" per say...

7. What's the first thing you do when you get online?

Look up your Mom.  Seriously.  Nah - I check my email.

8. What jewelry are you wearing?

Is this a trick question?  I don't have a penis, so there's no ring..  My diamond necklace. 

9. Post a current song that you like. (Or name it and tell us why you like it.)

Because it's fun -  :)

I always feel like... somebody's watching me...

Sunday Stealing: The Get Out of Jail Free Meme, Part One

1.  When you're home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom?
Nope.   I don't spray either. 

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?
Depends.  Sometimes it's fun with a partner in crime, sometimes you just want to get a couple of things and it's quicker alone.

3. It's your best friends birthday, would you buy them a gift even though they didn't buy you one for yours
Yup.  My friends and I are good like that.  Sometimes we do gifts, sometimes we don't.  Depends on whether we're "rich" that week or not.  LOL
4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time? Why?
Lump sum, baby.  Then I can disappear. 
5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
Depends on the music.  Like AC/DC's "Thunder" should be played at max sound, as should a number of ZZ top songs..  but music like Kenny G or even Taylor Swift?  Not so much..
6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
Gimme a beach chair, a book and a shore and I am good to go.  :)

Mimi's Delicious Mess

My friend Kim has decided to dip her toe into the bloggy waters... check her out!  :)

Mimi's Delicious Mess: Recently, I've been feeling the need to do "someth...: Recently, I've been feeling the need to do "something" with myself that involves a little communication and/or self-expression. Recently, ...