ahhhhhhh Jens

Not sure why, but I feel the need to revisit Jens. Back years ago, my friends Manal, Julie and I were friends with this guy Dirk that went to the same school as Manal (often affectionately referred to as Manhole). Dirk was hot. Like smoking hot. DaYAM hot. At least to my 19-20 year old mind. And he had 2 brothers, Jens and Olaf (often referred to as "da Loaf"). Julie and Olaf met, she went to the prom with him (older woman here!), they fell in love and spent years together, but split up for reasons unknown - at least to me. I used to go up for the weekends and we'd all hang out, often crashing at Dirk's house.



Sometimes, we'd head into Boston and one night we all ended up at Jens' apartment for a while, right near a Citgo gas station. That had a pay toilet. Not good when you have to pee. And we ended up on the roof of Jens' building. Downtown Boston. It was one of those surreal moments, when you're hanging with good friends, all is right in the world and you're up on a roof just watching the world go by. I can't hear "Up on the Roof" by James Taylor without thinking of that night in some fashion.



Another night, we all drank too much, and I ended up crashing at Dirk's next to Jens and we shared a kiss or two. Now I'd always had a crush on Dirk, but knew nothing would ever happen with him, and kissing Jens was the closest I'd ever get. The next day we were going to go to Plymouth because Jens and Olaf lived there and needed to be dropped off, and then we were heading out somewhere else. I, in my foolish youthful thinking, thought that Jens actually liked me, he'd be my boyfriend and he and I, Julie and the Loaf could all live together in some happy commune and be happy ever more. I will never forget dropping Jens off at Benny's (not sure why there instead of his house) and he was telling us he didn't want to hang out with us for the day and I'm thinking "WTF???". He kept making stupid excuses and I finally just said "WHY NOT?". I'll never forget what he said. He looked me straight in the eye and said "you're just not special".



I was so hurt and dumbfounded, I got in the car and we just left. I don't think I ever told anyone what he said, but I don't think I ever said more than "hi" to him again. Out of all the things that have happened to me, and the people that have hurt me in my lifetime (trust me, there are a lot, nothing has ever stuck with me like that "you're just not special"





Well. Dammit. I am special, Jens. And even if it's more than 20 years after the fact? here's what I should have said then if I'd had my wits about me:



Fuck you. I am more special than you'll ever know in your pathetic miserable excuse of a life where you think it's OK to say something so horrible to someone. Fuck you.



Now? I do know that I am special. And I'm not talking little bus special - I am a kind, generous, wonderful person and anyone that can't see that is just missing out. I am a great mom and friend. I have a wicked pissa sense of humor and absolutely kill myself sometimes. And I'm a great cook and dip-maker. :)



So take that, Jens Z. You insignificant little pissant.



Yep. I feel better now. :D