A friend of mine attended this Life Class at the Oprah studios in Chicago yesterday -
Hard Conversations and how to have them
I got to thinking about my situation - or situations... I've been upset with my father for what seems forever. He isn't the type of father that is there on a day to day basis - great in an emergency, don't get me wrong, and he takes my son for a week each summer - but not there like the typical father/grandfather. He's more there for my stepsister and her family - but I think that has lots to do with my stepmother and her being that kind of mother to her kids, if that makes sense. I graduated from college last year - and he called. That was wonderful. Never sent a congratulations card. No gift. Nothing else than a phone call. And that hurt, I'll admit it. In 8 years he's come out to visit me once. And that was when I was living in a million dollar house, and they came for 2 days and he was more interested in the price of real estate around me rather than what was going on in my life. I get mad when he forgets my birthday. It's happened for years. And yesterday - I stopped. Why do I continue to bang my head against the wall? He is not going to change. What needs to change are my expectations. My perception is that my father is someone that really does care, and wants to be there, he just forgets a lot. Reality is - he cares, in his own way, and not the way I want him to. I have to wrap my head around that. He is never going to change. He is happy the way he is - *I* am the one with the problem. Seriously - I'm 46. You think I would have gotten that by now?
He refuses to step into the shitstorm between my siblings and I. Said we're all adults, etc. and that he doesn't want to get involved or take sides. My perception is that he kind of has already. Reality? I don't know. I'm just sick of all of it and want the whole thing to be over.
Perception? My life is wonderful, my kid is wonderful, I love everything and everyone....
Reality? My life is good - not great - but good. I can't stand my job - it's so below my skill level my brain is going to mush. I'm actually writing this AT work - so you can tell how busy I am. Even when I have work to do these days, I wait until the last minute to get it done. My kid isn't wonderful - he's a pain in the ass. He's manipulative, spoiled and needs a swift kick in the ass. I'm working on that. :) I love everything and everyone? Come on now - anyone that knows me knows that's just bullshit.
Happy Thursday ~