Saturday, October 27, 2012


This may be a bit lengthy, so either pull up a chair, grab a cuppa - or come back when you have time :)

What is forgiveness?  Is it forgetting, or just letting go of things that have happened in the past?  Is it coming to a point in your life when you realize that hanging on to resentments, or still wishing something bad upon someone is just silly and it takes up more of your time than necessary?  Is it seeing things realistically?  Does this person even care if I ever forgive them?  Do they even know if or why I'm mad at them?

Lewis B. Smedes wrote in his book, Forgive and Forget, "When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."  I think that this is partly true.  Who has resentment hurt?  Them?  I don't think so.  Although they've missed out on having me in their life - and really, that is a shame, because I'm a pretty cool person - they have moved on and are living their lives.

I'm about a month late for Yom Kippur, but then again, I'm not Jewish.   Catholics are all about forgiveness, and looking for it from God for all of our transgressions.  I guess I'll find out when I die whether I've been forgiven or not.  Here is a link to a great  NY Times article from 2010 on forgiveness.  While it's religious in nature, there are some good points.   Do I want revenge?  Meh... I used to.  But I've come to realize that my wanting it and it happening are probably two different things.  Plus, I'm a big believer in karma.  I've seen it first hand.   I wrote a post before about forgiveness - Here.  I've written posts about karma.  I wrote a long one about how karma has come back to bite me in the ass, and I knew what it was, and I accepted it.  I deserved it - it was wished upon me - I can't find it - but I know it's there somewhere.

I had a dream last night about it.  And then I was talking to my friend Angie today about something that had nothing to do with any of this, and then she was talking about some radio show that she had been listening to - about forgiveness.  Weird.  Then someone else brought it up.  It was kind of a sign...

So.  Here goes.

Jocelyn?  I forgive you.  I think of your life, and where you were and where you are now - and you have done what you needed to in order to get there.  You went from being evicted from a trailer park to owning your own home.  You found someone to take care of you and your kids - and that's what you told me you'd do.  I think that it's sad you crawled over quite a few people to get there, but it's not my issue.  It's not my problem, you're not my problem - and I have faith that karma will get you some day.  So for what you did to me?  For what you did to my kid?  I forgive you.

Theo?  You really don't need forgiveness - you really had no clue what was going on.   I still don't think you did/do.  But I'll forgive you for walking away from Josh.  You just didn't know any better.  I wish you happiness in your life, and friends that are true and don't care about your money.  I never did, and I hope you get that some day.

Kevin?  Ugh.  Maybe I'm not quite there with him yet.  But I think his karma is hitting him.  I know that he looks like shit - very unhealthy - he's a big fat bigot (he wasn't like that when I was with him), and not many like or respect him - not to mention the fact that he lives with a psycho.  She's really cuckoo for cocoa puffs, and he's probably scared to pee without her permission.  LOL 

To my siblings?  I get that it's easier to take your anger and frustrations out on me, because I'm further away.  I know that I didn't do anything wrong, but I forgive you for treating me as if I did.   Same with you, Dad.  I feel bad because there are others that are by-products of all this, and it's not fair to them. 

Does this mean that I want to hang out with any of them?  Hells no.  I can forgive, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends.  It just means that I just don't care any more - I'm not letting anger and resentment eat at me any more.  I like sleep - and I've gotten some of the best sleep the past few weeks.  Why?  Because I have a clear conscience, and I know I'm a good person.  I've made peace with myself.

 Enjoy the day..

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wicked Wednesday.....

So, the Donald had a big announcement today about Obama.

Seriously?  He just got the most free publicity, and for what?  I'd pay more attention to him if he said he was getting a new hairdo.  He's such a pompous ass, it's ridiculous.  "Everyone love me, I am Donald, hear me roar"... blah blah blah... vomit... vomit... vomit.....

Thank goodness for Facebook!  It reminds all of the people that would normally forget that it's your birthday.  Yay!   Of course the ones that usually forget will still forget.   It's nice, though, that people take time out of their day even just to write "happy birthday"..  :)  It makes me feel special!  My BFF took me out to lunch, and my birthday buddy brought me yogurt pretzels, strawberry dip and pumpkin cookies.  Yum.  :)

In 3 weeks, I get to throw out (or burn - maybe I'll burn them) ALL of my bras.  It's going to be a happy happy day!

Tomorrow is the boy's birthday.  He'll be 16.  Holy shit.  16.  He's half way to grown up.  In another 16 years he could meet the love of his life, get married and have kids.  Wow...

Tonight's treat?  Making brownies for his birthday.  And I'll enjoy every second of it.  Because there aren't many birthdays left that I'll be able to do this for him... :(  Now I'm feeling old..

So, hey (can't resist) - if you see Kevin Fay of the MA State Police tomorrow?   Ask him what he got his son for his birthday, willya?  LOL

Happy Wednesday!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I stood stone-like at midnight, suspended in my masquerade...

The title is related... do you know how?

I'm doing a twofer this week - I was in Missouri for a wedding last weekend and totally missed all sorts of fun stuff :)

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People that can't drive, can't spell or can't speak properly.  Move over if you're in the left lane, doing less than the speed limit; it's not "there so happy!", it's they're; and oh for the love of God - don't AX me a damn question!

2. Where and when were you born?
Boston.  On my birthday.  Which by the way, is coming up.  Did you get me something? 

3. Where did your parents meet?
In the aisle of an A&P, my father was working (escaping his dysfunctional family), and my mother was doing I don't know what (escaping her dysfunctional family), and offered the cute guy sweeping a piece of gum.  A match made in heaven...  not really - but hey, it sounded good, right?

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like in four words?
LOLOLOLOLOLOL  (that was one) and the other 3?  WE DON'T SPEAK.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom?
Michigan - and with an almost 16 year old snarky boy and a getting quite fat black cat named Ninja..

6. What is your occupation?
Mom, working on a job :)

7. Write a full description of yourself.
I am a pretty pretty princess

8. To which social class do you belong? 
Middle.. which, for a single mom - is a pretty darn good accomplishment these days

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
I get weak in the knees when I see really hot Secret Service guys - does that count?

10. Are you right- or left-handed?
"I know something you don't know...."

11. What does your voice sound like?
A sexy siren..

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? 
NO, would be one...  Shut the front door, stuff like that..

13. What do you have in your pockets?
snails, twine, rabbit's foot, marbles, batteries, a rubber ball and $0.12..

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? 
No, like I said before - I'm a pretty pretty princess!  Jesus - I can't tell you all my secrets, can I?  Oh wait - a defining characteristic?  I have very large American Breasteses.  

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Glad it's over

16. What is your earliest memory?
Coming out of the pod

17. How much schooling have you had? 
Over 20.  Yikes.

18. Did you enjoy school? 
When I went because I wanted to, yes.

19. Stop and count, Since you were born until today; how many homes have you lived in?
LOL  19.  That's a lot of moving.

20. While growing up, did you have any role models?
My Aunt Harriet was always my favorite person - so I guess her?  She loved her family, encouraged them to do things together, and while she had her faults - she was a great person.  If you watch Gray's Anatomy?  She was my person.  She was my coach when my son was born, and I still have a hole in my life where she used to be.  Her death, so far in my life, was the most devastating loss I've had.  And that, my people, is the most honest answer you'll get on here. 

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
I had an older brother and sister - they were one year apart.  A younger brother that idolized the older brother and did everything he said.  What do you think? 

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A pretty pretty princess!   And a teacher.  And a mom.  Two out of three isn't bad, right? 

23. What were your favorite activities 3 years ago?
 Same as they are now, but I'm so glad I gave up that crystal meth - whooeeee that stuff was crazy!~

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
 Loud mouth, stubborn, opinionated - pretty much the same I am now!

25. As a child, were you popular?
With who?  The pedophile up the street?  The neighbor kids?  The kids at school?  

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?
 Mike something.  I just remember the smell of peach pool chalk. 

27. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. 
I have influences that showed me what NOT to do, and then some that showed me the right things to do.  I credit them all for who I am today.  I'm not naming names.  

28. What’s next?
Breakfast.  What are you having?


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Thursday Tidbits...

I'm taking a self-imposed break from Facebook.  It just sucks out too much of my time - especially at WORK!  LOL  And while I'm not on there, Henry may update or be seen every once in a while. 

Since I've blocked certain people out of my life, I have been sleeping amazingly well.  Not sure if it's what I'm doing at night, or the fact that I no longer have that huge weight on my shoulders - but whatever it is, I'm thankful.  I haven't needed Sominex in forever.  And while I usually wake up once a night to pee - that's it - and I go right back to sleep.  Yay, me :)

I got an iPad a few months ago.  I love love LOVE it.  I've sold my netbook, because I don't use it any more, and could even get rid of my PC and not miss it.  Although I'd miss Word and all that good stuff... 
I have my calendar on it, my pictures, music - you name it.  And it all syncs with my iPhone, which makes it that much cooler.   You should get one. 

I really need to learn to let go of some resentment I have toward certain people.  I'm trying, but sometimes it's just so damn hard.  Any advice?

Happy Thursday :)


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Gnome tale.......

It was March of 2011.  He arrived in a plain brown box, with just the Amazon symbol to discern what awaited inside.  I opened it, almost giddy, and held him aloft.  He had arrived.  My gnome.  I've always wanted one, but every time I found them advertised they would sell out.  So I resorted to Amazon.  And he came.  Just like they promised.  He was everything I expected.  Short.  Blue jacket, white beard, red hat.  I didn't know what to name him, so I placed him on my desk at work and then brought him back home a few days later to think about it.  I set him by my computer, and totally forgot about naming him.  He became part of my desk.

I had a party at my house - ladies only - no not that kind of party...  And after the party, I sat at my computer and realized that he was gone.  What the hell?  Who would take my gnome???  I immediately accused my BFF, Kim - who, of course, denied any involvement.

A few days later, I got a friend request on Facebook.  From Edward Nome (you can see his page HERE)..  And I was like, "Huh?  I don't know any Edward Nome".  After a few minutes, it sunk in.  Dammit.  They even started a facebook page??  Well, at least now he is named.  He is Eddie. 

Eddie started a whirlwind of adventures, stopping every once in a while to send me a postcard from wherever he was..  He was having a lovely time for himself!

In the meantime, a friend from High School, Leah - sent me a replacement as a gradutation gift.  I graduated with my Bachelors in May of 2011.  His name was Bob.  He looked different from Eddie, but that was OK, he was cool - and he came with his own gargoyles.   He hung out in my kitchen.  At my graduation party, I received another - just like Eddie - only he had "if found return to K" on the bottom of it.  And his name is Henry.  There was a lot of drinking and celebrating, and somehow between the party and the hangover the next day - both Henry and Bob were kidnapped. 

Can you see where this is going?

All I wanted was a freaking gnome.  That was it.  To take on travels.  LOL

About a month or so later, I opened my front door to find a big brother to Eddie and Henry - his name was Ian Shagnasty and he asked to live with me.  He's too big to steal.  LOL

Then a month or so after that, Red showed up from Seattle.  He's dressed in my favorite baseball team's attire - the Red Sox.

Again.... I just wanted one.  To hang out with.

In the meantime, Eddie is posting pictures of all these places that he's at - and his last known whereabouts was in Cabo.  Apparently he was left in the back of a cab.  Whoops!  So he's now probably a member of some violent drug cartel.  I fear that Eddie's gone bad. 

Bob and Eddie met up in San Diego (before the Great Cabo Cab Incident of 2011)...

Bob was last seen in Boston, surprisingly RIGHT after I left there - drinking with some of my cousins...

And Henry?  Well, Henry showed up during our trip to Martha's Vineyard.  He found his way to the house we rented and has been "home" ever since...

Henry has come along with us on some wonderful adventures.  He has his own Facebook page now.  Henry G. Nome go ahead - friend him .  He has lots of fun - and is headed to Atlantis in the spring!

Poor Eddie and Bob.... sigh........

Monday, October 15, 2012

Whoops! Guess I was early...

As was that Crazy Sam -
I'll do this one - albeit a bit late :)

Saturday 9: Ain't No Other Man

1) Do you believe there's only one person (and there ain't no other) for you? Or do you think we can truly love several partners over the course of our lives?

Oh Jesus.  I hope there's more than one.  We all know how the others have worked out for me.  Seriously.  How many people can claim one or more of the following?
Tim - bug man
Tim - penis on the internet man
Kevin - pathological liar that continuously was cheating on his wife, and is probably cheating on his girlfriend now because she's fucking nuts
Theo - the "I will make my life your life" guy that turns into whoever he's with..  Who is now alone and turning into Jabba the Hut.  Scary.

Shit.  There's got to be better.

2) Do you have this, or any other, Christina song on your iPod/mp3 player?
I think I have a couple on there.  She's a hoochy-mama though.  She needs to cover up her girls more.

3) Christina Aguilera won a Grammy for her performance of this song. What do you deserve an award for? And who would you thank in your acceptance speech?
Snarky Snarcasm..... And I'd thank all the stupid people in the world for continuously giving me material to work with
4) Christina Aguilera has her own brand of perfume. Do you have a fragrance or scent you regularly wear?
Eau de JoMama

5) Do you have any allergies?
Just to bullshit... It's gotten worse as I've gotten older..

6) There's an older lady who proclaims during a TV commercial, "I will give up beer, bread, wine or soda but I won't give up Life Alert!" No, we're not going to debate her diet. Instead the question is: What are some of the staples that are always on your grocery list?
Coffee.  Don't ever EVER fuck with my coffee.

7) What's your favorite sitcom of all time?
Does LOST count?

8) When it comes to your socks, do you prefer solids, stripes or prints?
What?  Flip Flops.

9) At what age do you consider a person "middle aged?" And when do they transition to "old?"
When they need a walker, they're middle aged, and as far as a wheelchair?  I will quote my friend Ian's grandmother for this (what a freaking hoot she was!)  "the day you put me in a wheelchair is the day you take me to the graveyard"...

Is Cornflower Blue even a color?

Saturday 9: Midnight Train to Georgia....

I'm not sure if I'm early or late, but hell - I just like to play along :)
If you want to?  Click --->HERE to do so

1) Have you ever been to the Atlanta?
"The" Atlanta?  There's more than one?  Holy flippers!  Dammit!  Another place to put on my bucket list...  Regular Atlanta and then "The" Atlanta..

2) Do you enjoy traveling by train?
Only if I get on at Platform 9 3/4 and get off at Hogwarts

3) "Midnight Train to Georgia" is Sam Winters' signature number at the karaoke bar. What's your go-to song when you take the mic?
"Why Don't We Get Drunk"....  Or something as equally obnoxious.  In other words - I do not sing ever.  I would scare innocent women/children/gay men.  Won't happen.  Ever. 

4) Do you drink tea?
Only when I'm sick.  Then it's Earl Grey all the way..

5) What's the most recent thing you purchased for your home?
A magnet for my fridge.  I try to get one everywhere we go.  The only ones that I haven't purchased have been gifts.  My favorites are the ones from Hawaii from Pseudo :) that I won as a prize with a bunch of other awesome stuff

6) Are there dishes in your kitchen sink right now?
Maybe.  Don't judge.  Is *your* sink clean?

7) Have you ever been fingerprinted?
I SWEAR I really did have a lost puppy.  Dammit.  Now I have to get rid of the white paneled van..

8) What was the last check you wrote?
for services rendered

9) What color are your eyes?
not creepy cornflower blue, that's for sure..

Thursday, October 11, 2012

What? Me? Serious??

Yeah yeah... it happens sometimes.

I've been following this case - mainly because of the circumstances, but even more so lately because a friend knew her and her family - click here and check it out.  Go ahead, I'll wait.

Got it?  Good. 

This really hit home for me.  Why?  Because I was in the same circumstances as that girl almost 17 years ago.  I was that girl.  I was pregnant with a baby that the father was trying all sorts of ways to get out of being a father to - including asking me to abort and when that was too late, asking me to put the baby up for adoption.  This was a man that I thought I loved - that I thought loved me.  That, months before I found out I was pregnant - was talking about moving in with me - the TV could go here, the other chair here, things like that.  And I believed him. 




Why?  Who knows.  I was in love - I wanted to believe that he was a better person.  I wanted to believe that my son's father wasn't an asshole, and that he wouldn't do that to me - he loved me (insert snort, snicker, guffaw - whatever, here).

Now, looking back - he never loved me - I doubt he's ever loved anyone but himself.  His whole life was and probably is still a big fat lie. 

Do I think, now, that given the opportunity, he would have done the same thing to me as Bluew did to Jenny?  Absolutely.  He is also a cop.  It's something about the power - the feeling of superiority - that they think they can do anything and get away with it.  Look at the news lately - especially in Boston.  There are cops being indicted for OUI's (finally), being bookies, doing drugs - shit, even selling drugs.  There are a lot of them that are dirty.  And what does that accomplish?  It makes the good ones look bad.

Since moving to the Midwest, I've met a lot of cops that are great guys.  Not pieces of poop like so many of the MSP or BPD that I knew.

Anyway - I digress.

Ladies - if you ever EVER think of getting involved with a married man?  STOP.  Don't do it.  You deserve more.   If you insist on it?  Know that this girl that you just read about?  She could be you.  Want to find out how much he loves you?  Tell him you're pregnant - you'll see a scramble the likes of which you've never seen before...

And know this - if he really TRULY wanted to be with you?  He would be.  There are courts that prevent the wife from keeping his kids away from him, she can't run away and take them to Canada (yes, I heard that one come out of his mouth), the way the laws are now - most of the time it's joint physical and legal custody.  Not just every other weekend. 

Liar liar pants on fire.

Oh, and last weekend was the baby-daddy's birthday - so if you happen to know or see Kevin rhymes with bay but starts with an F?  Tell him happy belated.  And then kick him in the knee for me...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Random Tuesday musings....

Musings... an interesting word.
mus·ing (myzng)

Deep in thought; contemplative.
1. Contemplation; meditation.
2. A product of contemplation; a thought. "an elegant tapestry of quotations, musings, aphorisms, and autobiographical reflections" (James Atlas).

Musing (Urban dictionary)
1. To be perusing your mind -- as in searching for thoughts. Mind-perusing. Mirusing. Musing.
2. The act of listening to music by the band Muse.

Check out this new blog I absolutely love <--- click that linky thing there.  She's got lots of great stuff to say.  On a daily basis. 

I'm tired.  I'm tired of not doing much all day.  It's starting to make my brain turn into mush.  My New Year's goal is going to be to get into something that will be permanent, that will make me happy to go to every day and that I will feel fulfilled - like I actually did something all day. 

I'm having surgery in a few weeks.  Some certain... ahem.... certain lady parts are going to be smaller afterwards.  I am so geeked about it - can't wait.  And I could have had it sooner, but chose to wait until after both the Dropkick Murphys and Zac Brown Band concerts.  LOL  I have general admission tickets to both and something tells me being jostled about wouldn't be wise. 

I'm not sure which is worse - the fact that I've blocked my "family" on Facebook and also from being able to email or call me, or the fact that I don't think they even realize it.   

There have been some interesting visitors here lately.  Doing some interesting searches.  For interesting names, etc.  Hmmmmmmm
Whate else.....

The weekend in New Jersey was like therapy for me.  I needed that.  A weekend away - got to see old friends, make new ones, and just had an absolute blast.   I need to do that more often.  My whole attitude was changed when I got back.  I need to do more "me" things. 

And to start that off - I'm joining a gym next week.  I'm going to make my lazy ass go in there at least 3x week and start moving.  Once the boobies are gone, there's nothing holding me back.  LOL

Run, Forrest Run!

Happy Twooooooosday!


Friday, October 5, 2012

Pumpkin, Pumpkin, Pumpkin!

Click HERE to play along :) we go!

1. I said shut up, shut up, shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!  Some people that I work with make me nuts.  And all I can think to myself is "shutup... just, for the love of ALL that is good in this world SHUT UP".

2. Nothing is what I'm craving right now. I had fish & chips for lunch, and really, I'm pretty full.  so food-wise, nothing.  Except maybe something pumpkin.  I heart pumpkin stuff.  All pumpkin, all the time...

3. I was thinking about pumpkins now..  Happy? 

4. Come out and pick pumpkins with me, will you?

5. We should have pumpkin pie for dessert tonight..

6. I eat pumpkin stuff whether I want to or not!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to making pumpkin dip tomorrow my plans include a vendor event where I will serve - yep, you guessed it - pumpkin dip and Sunday, I want to turn into a pumpkin!  LOL

Monday, October 1, 2012

Part one..

Sunday Stealing: The End is Near Meme, Part 1  (so I did part 2 first, shoot me)

1. Ever been given or received an engagement ring?
Nope.  You asking?
2. Longest relationship?
Too long. 
3. Last gift you received?
I bought myself an iPad, does that count?
4. Ever dropped a mobile phone?
Duh.  Hasn't everyone?
5. When's the last time you worked out?
Does sex count?  Oh, wait.  I had a 10 month old over the weekend and carried her around - that works, right?
6. Thing(s) you spend a lot of money on?
Really?  I don't know.  Gas.  That's what I spend the most on these days.  Fookin' gas hogs.  Just let it go..
7. Last food you ate?
Dip.  It was good.

8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The package.  I'll admit it.  I look.  LOL  

9. One favorite song?
Ramrod - live.
10. Where do you live?
Really?  Again with the personal questions?  Like I'm going to post my address here and have freaks looking in my window to see if I'm really punching your mom in frustration?  I think not.

11. High school attended:
AND graduated.  Go figure!
12. Cell phone provider:
The one that gives me the best service.
13. Favorite shop:
Shop?  How about store?  Jesus, this is dumb.  Home Depot.
14. Longest job:
15. Do you own a smart phone? Why?
Yes.  Because I can. What's your excuse?
16. Do you prank call people?
"Is this the cocksucker residence"?!?  That was fun, blaming it on my non-existent teenager... LOLOLOL
17. Last wedding you attended?
I have two coming up

18. First friend you'd call if you won the lottery:

19. Last time you saw your best friend(s)
20. Favorite fast food Restaurant:
Anything without a drive through.  I don't like driving through to pick up my food.  That's no good.


The check is in the mail??

Sunday Stealing: The End is Near Meme, Part Two

"I love you"...  Baby daddy.  'Nuff said.

Oh I love a Mr. Clean head, I rub them and make wishes..

Your Mom.  Late at night.

The corner of... oh.  Whoops.  dietary aide at a hospital.  That's it.  I swear. 

Stealing Saturday's shit. 

HAH!!   I AM going to get plastic surgery!!  I am! I am!   Apparently my nipples are in Indiana, and they should be in Grand Rapids.  So when I lose half my boobage, they will be in the right spots.  Hopefully. 

I'm at work.  Come on. 

My boobs.  Dammit.  Now people are going to have to look at my face.  Then they'll notice the wonky eye.  The left side doesn't quite work all the time..

I've had moonshine, that shit is NASTY.  I'd stock up on the good stuff.

I have 1.  Wanted more.  No such luck.  I'm now a barren spinster.  Chew on that one for a while. 

Yeah, for babies.

You mean writing, on paper?  Like with a pen?

Don't you think that's a wee bit personal?  Do I ask you things like that?  Seriously.  RUDE..

Fuck yeah - I'm cool.

No, but size does. 

Punch your mom in the face. 

If it were up your ass you'd know where it was, wouldn't you? 
I suppose Michigan is home, and MA is now my 2nd home..

Who are these people and why do they keep waking me up?

My mother once said to me "sarcasm has no place in our lives".  My response?  "Really, Mary?  Really?"