Happy New Year....

I really hope that 2012 brings lots of good things to everyone :)

So far 2011 has brought me:

1 sickly brother
1 bitchy sister (and, to be fair - it goes both ways - sometimes)
1 renewed sense of family
1 house that is now entering foreclosure (it's a strategic default, people...)
1 sense of adventure with the thought of moving back to the New England area
 - I can't wait to smell the ocean any time I want, to visit family any time I want, and to be able to babysit for Michelle (I know you read here LOL)

Maybe 2012 will bring my son some of his siblings as he will be closer.  One now knows about him, the rest can't be too far off from knowing.. And really, it's not his fault his father happens to be an asshole.  He's a great kid - it's their gain to have him in their lives. 

I'm tired.  I have nothing to do at work.  I'm sick of it - while some people would love this - I do not.  It makes me nuts.  And tired.  And lazy.  I might have to take a nap now after all this typing... LOL

Enjoy the New Year - stay safe if you go out!

Seriously? LOL

Sexy Sasquatch?

Sasquatch eating a kitten??


Are people NUTS?  These are some search terms that peeps have put in and found themselves at my blog.  Why would you want to see Sasquatch eating a kitten, oh person in Maryland?  That's just wrong.  Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Sexy?  I don't know if I'd ever consider Sasquatch sexy.  Do you like hairy men?  Because that's what I'm thinking of with your "sexy sasquatch" terms...  Ew.

Yup.  These are things that make me giggle.   Hope all is well with everyone out there - getting ready for a low-key Christmas, some good friends and great food.  :)

Enjoy!

Is Reggie Bush a complete moron?

Seriously.  To say "get well soon" to someone with ALS is equivilant to telling a blind person that they'll see you later.  Maybe even like talking to a completely deaf person that doesn't read lips.  Telling the guy with both legs amputated that you're going to race him and he'd better fun fast!

Idiot.   But then again, he did date a Kardashian, didn't he?  'Nuff said.

ALS.  Lou Gehrig's disease.  A nasty, horrible, terrible, debilitating disease.  That up until a few months ago, I only had heard of and really didn't know much about.  Now?  I know way more than I ever wanted to.  My brother was diagnosed a year ago, and I found out in September.  The whole dysfunction of not telling your siblings right away aside (that's for another post) - Jesus, this sucks. 

He's got two young kids.  A wife.   A family.  And now my 6'5" brother that's always been the most stable one in the family?  He's in a wheelchair - dependent on them for everything.  Fanfuckingtastic. 

And where am I?  Michigan. 

We went home for Thanksgiving, and sitting at my father's talking to my brothers and watching my son play with his cousins outside, I made the decision.

Yup.  It's time to go "home"..

Friday Fill-Ins :)

And...here we go!
click here to play along :)




1. As you can see I once again have nothing to do at work...



2. I hope to be making some great changes soon!



3. I love to buy food.  I <3 food.  I'm hungry now as a matter of fact!



4. Food makes for great gift(s).  I'm selling Tastefully Simple now.  You should check it out.  it's good stuff...



5. What's up with people that are just *dumb*?  I don't get it.  I come across some dooseys sometimes and it never ceases to amaze me.



6. The rest of my life is right there at the tops of my fingertips.



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out and watching tv with my favorite kid, tomorrow my plans include CLEANING (dammit!) and Sunday, I want to enjoy the cleanliness, because it won't last long!

Stuck...

Rock, meet hard place. Hard place, meet rock. Me? I’m right between the two.

Trying to decide what to do with your life sucks. I mean it really, really sucks.

I have a great job – that makes me nuts because it’s so slow.   Regardless of what else I do - that has to change.  Which sucks. 

I have a house that is OK, but I absolutely love my neighbors. You couldn’t ask for better neighbors.

There’s unbloggable stuff going on at home (where I’m from, not where I live). That makes me want to move back. It could be time.

Do I default on my mortgage and move back? I’ve been asking the bank to work with me for over a year, and I’m still waiting for answers but in the meantime I’m 60 days behind. Do I let that go to 90 – and then let them start foreclosure proceedings? Or (shocker) maybe THEN they’ll work with me?   But will it matter?  It's expensive to move - I could use what I'd put toward the mortgage toward a moving truck. 

Do I quit an excellent job for… for what? Where do I work? Where do I live? Where do I put all my STUFF??

I hate this shit.

Wouldn't it be funny

if Justin Bieber was the baby-daddy?

Just a thought

random Thursday thoughts...

someone in the cubicle over from mine just said "bodacious"... what a great word that is.  I remember hearing "what a bodacious set of ta-ta's" LOL  Prolly more than once, too.

A friend of mine lost both of her ta-ta's last week.  And another that lost one had to go in for a biopsy of a lump on the other one.   Why do people say "lost" them?  I mean, really, we all know where they are.  In a pathologist's lab.  They're not lost like people would make "LOST - Please call 867-5309 if found... $500 reward for my lost boobies"...  Can you imagine?  So they're gone.  Taken.  By a horrible nasty disgusting unforgiving disease.

Check your boobies people!!  And your who-ha's.  Don't forget the who-ha's (what a great word LOL) I have another friend that had cancer of the vulva.  And she wasn't looking at it on a regular basis - lucky her boyfriend fount it for her!  So have someone check your who-ha's too!!

I'm still waiting for the bank to get back to me - but I did find out that one of the options was lowering my payment by almost $300/month.  THAT would be awesome.  But she also said, "but you're not behind 90 days so they may reject it"... Seriously?  I can GET to 90 days if that's what it takes.  How freaking ridiculous is that?!   Dumb.  there.  I said it.  They're DUMB.  Fifth-Third bank is  DUMB.

Speaking of dumb... nah... forget it.

Speaking of "YUM"... Combos has a new flavor.  Buffalo blue cheese.  OMG (pronounced ohhmmmmmgggg)

Enjoy.  Happy Thursday.  :)

Random Friday thoughts..

I really really miss my Uncle Jim's onion rings.  They were the absolute best.  He used to own a small road-side fish place, and I don't know if it was the flour or the batter or how he dipped them into each more than once - but his onion rings were the absolute shit.  The best ones were the little ones that were like little breaded discs of onion all fried up.  Yum. 

I used to be skinny.  Before I had the boy.  And really, even after I had the boy.  But I have realized that I really like food.  I don't want to eat a kidney sized piece of chicken.  i want the whole damn boob of it.  And then maybe a couple of extra bites if it's really good.  And anyone that knows me - knows I'm a good cook.  I like the stuff I make.  Sometimes too much, and then I have to give it away.  I mean, come on, I really can't eat a whole cake.  Or really, I probably could - but I won't.  Even in my "zaftig" state - I know that moderation is the key.  LOL  Or maybe I'm Marilyn Monroe-esque.....  She wasn't skinny.   She was curvy.  I'm curvy.  That's what I am!

I went to the Arby's drive through today.  I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not a drive-through afficionado.  My friend Kim still laughs about the time we went through the Taco Bell drive through and I wanted french fries.  I didn't know!  It's a drive through - you would expect that they would have fries, right?  Apparently not.  And I was drunk.  I'll never live it down.  Well, Arby's doesn't have fries either.  They have those curly fry things - they're not fries.  They're curly potato things.  Not a fan.  So I got the onion rings.  Which made me think of Uncle Jim's onion rings.  See how it all comes together? 

so as I'm paying, the girl at the window asks me if I'd like "Arby's or Horsie"...

==insert crickets chirping here==

Me:  "Um.....what are those?"

She looked at me like I was a moron.  Nice.   Apparently they're Arby's signature sauces.  The Arby's is barbeque and the horsie is a horseradish.  I took one of each.

I think I'm done with the drive-through.  I should stick to home made stuff.  It's better.  And better for you.  Right?

So last night, I'm horsing around with the boy.  And he steals my seat on the couch.  so I sit on him.  Carefully, of course - because he's small and I'm not.  LOL
So we're laughing and joking.

And then?

He spits on me.

Yes.  Spit.  On me.  On purpose. 

He knows two things will piss me off more than anything else.  Spitting and hitting a girl.  That was the end of horsing around.  I took my book and went to bed.  And washed my neck.  Where he spit.  On me. 

I'm still grossed out.   And the worst part?  He didn't think there was anything wrong with what he did. 

Tonight?  I will learn him in the error of his ways.  He's lucky I don't believe in capital punishment. 

Again with the Friday fun time

And...here we go!
click here to play along




1. Old me would have yelled and screamed at my child last night after he SPIT at me; new me would just go to bed, which is what I did.



2. I am all about taking responsibility.  The whole "it's not my fault [insert action here]" doesn't fly with me.  Ever.



3. So...in a way I can be kind of a bitch about stuff.



4. But that's not so bad, right?



5. The big difference between me and some of my friends is that I wouldn't put up with half the shit they do,  which probably explains why I'm single?  LOL



6. Usually my kid makes me happy. Last night? not so much..



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to maybe a hockey game, tomorrow my plans include sleeping in (this seems to be a weekly theme lol) and Sunday, I want to maybe get some more painting done!

Life....

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And if the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Your time is limited, don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importan, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition... Everything else is secondary..." Steve Jobs.

My answer has been "no" for way too many days.

I'm at a crossroads and aren't sure which way to turn..

But I know things have to change.

8 years ago, I moved to give my son more "Mom" time - and it was all about him.  I wouldn't take that back for the world, nor any of the experiences we've had.  Now it might be time to be all about family.   My son barely knows his cousins, aunts or uncles. He sees his grandfather once a year.   He's got a funny midwestern accent.  Do I move closer to "home"?  I don't want to work back in the city again.  I kind of like living among the cornfields (no Malachai jokes, please LOL).. 

I'm waiting for the bank to get back to me on modifying my mortgage.  They upped my payment by $250/mo last year because they figured the escrow wrong.  I've been late ever since.  I'm 2 months behind - because they told me that they really won't work with anyone that's current - they have to be 2 or more months behind - so I've paid my other bills and paid the mortgage last.  If they don't work with me, I still can't afford the increase.  Do I walk away from it?  My credit is screwed up as it is - would a foreclosure or deed-in-lieu make it that much worse?  After all - in this economy foreclosures are more common than purchases these days..

I have a great job.  One that many people would be so grateful for.  I get paid good money.  I work with great people.  But I am bored.  OUT.  OF.  MY.  MIND.  (If this is any indication - I'm typing this at work - because I have nothing to do)...  Do I look for another one?  But where?  Here?  Or "home"?   And if I go "home"?  Where will I live?  Can I get a place to live?  Can I get a job with no place to live?  Or do I start looking at schools first? 

See?  I'm all discombombulated...

Friday Fill-Ins :)

And...here we go!  Click here for some Friday fun fun fun!




1. It's easy to tell a lie, what's hard is continuing it....



2. Ahhhhhhhh, thank you my darling.



3. Once upon a time, there was a girl.  She wanted to be a doctor, teacher and veterinarian.  But most of all a mother and a wife.  One out of five isn't bad, right?



4. And she's a great mom... the end.



5. What is it exactly that I want to do with my life when I grow up?  I'm thinking it's probably time to figure that out..



6. I think I need to move "home" sooner than later.



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to chilling with my favorite kid, tomorrow my plans include maybe more painting, then heading to a friend's for a bonfire night and Sunday, I want to do the laundry that has been piling up for a week!

Liar Liar pants on Fire...

Well, that's over with. Thank goodness.  I got an increase - not as much as I'd hoped for, but considering he was trying to get it decreased, it all worked out... 
The interesting views on the blog have continued - I'm still curious as to who it is and what they're looking for. And for the record? Your ISP blocker? Doesn’t work so well. LOL
Court was.. well... interesting. According to my lawyer - he looks like shit. She went on and on about it - I have to laugh. But it's sad. He's a pathetic human being and maybe it's starting to take its toll on him - keeping all the lies straight is exhausting, I'm sure.

One really good one? I'm emailing his 70-80-something year old mother. I was like WHAT?? I couldn't tell you if the woman even HAS an email. I sent her a letter about 10 years ago (which he and I actually talked about - around 12 years ago) and send her a picture every year. No note. No nothing - just a picture. If she doesn't want them, she can send them back. But she keeps them. And somehow that morphed into me emailing her. whatever. Liar liar pants on fire.

My personal favorite, though?  That he'd see the boy - but we live in Michigan.  That's his excuse for no contact.  I wonder how he'd be if I said "hey, I'm moving home - when do you want to start your visitation?"....  Again - Liar Liar pants on fire...

He brought up bills from 2007. I'm not even going to explain that one - except that he was reaching for stuff to whine about.

About a month ago, I mailed his oldest a letter. He's 27, he's not a child. He's an adult. Was I right in doing so? I don't know. But I was respectful, and pretty much said - hey, you have a brother, if you'd like to know him, that's great. He’s had 15 years to tell these kids about him, and it’s obvious at this point that he never will. And really, life is short. Too short to be keeping ginormous secrets like that. It must get tiring. Exhausting. And then you look like shit.

Want some cheese with that whine?

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack......

Just an FYI - this blog is mine.  I own the pictures, the words, all of it.  Anything you read here could be the truth, it could be made up, or could be something in-between.  If you don't like what you see - then don't read it.  Nobody's full names are mentioned here, and if you read something and attribute it to yourself (or maybe your ex?) that's your perception - not necessarily my intention. 

Is this week over yet?

I'm really just wanting this week to be over, and all settled. 

We went apple picking last weekend.  I got way too many apples, and before the fruit flies set in I had to do something with them.  And then I couldn't find my apple corer/slicer/dicer thingie from Pampered Chef.  Thank goodness my neighbor had one!  I spent about 2 hours coring/slicing/dicing.  I have a ton of apples now frozen (who knew you could freeze them?!?), and made a small apple crisp and a larger apple pie in a bag.  Yes.  In a bag.  A paper bag, like you get at the grocery store.  Yum. 
This is what it looked like when it was done:

it tastes as good as it looks.  I had heard that these were fabulous - so I decided to try one.  I found a couple of recipes, and tweaked/combined, and cooked. 

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Happy Sunday - I'm off to finish painting the spare bedroom.  I am determined to get this place finished.  Dammit.  LOL

New Format?

This is interesting... this whole new *dynamic* format.  I will try it.  For a bit.

Random Saturday thoughts.

I have pumpkin spice coffee.  If I had pumpkin creamer, I'd be in heaven.  No.  Seriously.  I'm all about loving the pumpkin.  Yum. 

I'm baking an apple pie, in a brown paper bag, in my oven.  Not sure why - but I had apples, and I've heard that baked in the bag is an out of this world experience.  We'll see. 

Holy shit, I can't believe it's October already.

Holy shit, I can't believe the boy is going to be 15 in a few weeks. 

Court is Tuesday.  I (thank God) don't have to be there, but I do have to be available by phone.  There's no way I could afford to fly out there for one day.  As much as I'd LIKE to be there, it just isn't feasible.  And I hear that he is "furious" that I won't have to be there, it makes me wonder why.  Because he won't get to throttle me?  He can't glare at me like he did last time?  It's not like we exchange pleasantries.  He doesn't ask how his son is.  Is it because he can't take pleasure in having his lawyer come over again and say "he just wants to make it clear he wants nothing to do with this child"?  I'm not really sure.  His issue.  Not mine. 

Back to apple pie.  Zen.  Breathe in.... find a happy place.. find a happy place... find a happy place...

Oh!  A happy place.  Here :)

Friday fun time :)

play along here!

1. I need a week off to get my house cleaned, it seems like.  Are all 14 (almost 15) year old boys as messy as mine?  Aiyaiyai!




2. We really need to know how lucky we were when we were kids.  We really could play outside until the street lights came on.  We didn't have cell phones, iPods, iPads or any of that stuff - we had to make do with cans and string.  Go figure! 



3. A great deal of lying went on yesterday, apparently.  Somehow "I'm not going to be able to be there because I can't afford to fly out" turned into "haha I don't have to be there"...  Dumbass.  Liar.  You think I don't save this stuff?  Think again.



4. I'd really like big tall glass of water right now.



5. It was announced that the Red Sox season is over.  I'm sad.  I'm sadder that Tito will probably go as manager.  I like him.  He's cute.



6. I have a LOT of steak knives.  Seriously.  I have a set in a butcher block, then I have a set of stainless steel knives that I got at an estate sale - there has to be 2-3 sets in there, you could tell that they were probably a wedding gift.  And they're sharp.  I stuck a hand in the box and sliced a finger open.  So they're really sharp. 



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing, tomorrow my plans include sleeping late, stupid TV and bad food (LOL) and Sunday, I want to FINALLY finish painting the spare bedroom!

Life..

Some random Sunday thoughts.


Life is so short - embrace what you have, don't think about what you don't have and use your time wisely.  You never know if someday you're going to be told that you have an expiration date.  Live like that day is tomorrow.  Don't have regrets.  Don't put things off until it's a "better" time - because really, there's never a "better" time. 

I got some crappy news this weekend.  I knew that something was wrong, just couldn't put my finger on it.  Now so much makes sense.  I can't share it, but just know that it puts a whole new spin on life and what it means.  And really, how short and sometimes SO fucking unfair it is.

It makes me think of a man who turned his back on a child when he was one.  Because he was mad at his mother.  If that's not biting your nose off to spite your face, I don't know what is.  What would happen if all of a sudden this man got news that he had 1, 2 or 3 years at the most to live.  Would he then realize how much of an asshole he'd been?  And for what?  Because he was taken to court over child support which is something that she swore she'd never do.  Well - he swore that he loved her.  We all know how that turned out. 

If nothing else, just realize that tomorrow could be it.  Or next week.  If you were given a certain amount of time to live - how would you spend it?  Would you have regrets?  Would you right any wrongs?  Would you LIVE?

"Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious."
 Phillips Brooks

 

Friday Fill-Ins

click here here here! to play along :)

And...here we go!




1. When I walk around my neighborhood I see kids playing, toys left out, all the signs of a good neighborhood where people trust each other not to steal their shit.  LOL



2. Anything baked - is my favorite thing to cook.  I'll admit it - I'm a carb addict.  I have a problem.  LOL



3. Life is grand, ain't it?  While my life isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination (I really would like the opportunity to show that winning the lottery doesn't screw up *everyone* that wins it...) it's good.  I have a roof over my head, a kid that loves me, a good job, car with 4 tires, what else could I want?



4. My sexy blanket from Pottery Barn makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  I don't think they even make it any more - it's a faux fur one - for my queen sized bed.  It probably weighs about 10 lbs. when it's folded up.  I've had to promise to leave it to my friend Jason if I die - seriously.  And I'd throw down over this blanket.  It's that good.  LOL



5. Pumpkin!  is my favorite Autumn vegetable. Pumpkin pie.  mmmmmmmm  A close 2nd?  Butternut squash.  I'm looking for a good recipe for a bisque - I know where to buy it, but haven't come close in making it. 



6. Revenge is better when it is served cold.  Oops.  I'm sorry.  Did I say that? 



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the Bronk Brothers show with my friend Jackie, tomorrow my plans include sleeping in and Sunday, I want to finish painting the spare bedroom!
 
 
Happy Friday all :)

An interesting Spin...

Jen at Sprite's Keeper has a great idea of a Spin Cycle.  She gives a different topic, and people give their spin.  This week's topic?  Morals.  Yikes.

So what exactly are morals?  My definition?  They're your personal code of what's right and wrong.  They're what stops you from keeping something you know doesn't belong to you; sort of your conscience.  Urban dictionary has some not so funny definitions here.  I think a lot of my 20's was spent in a morality hangover.  Does that make me a bad person now?  Did it make me a bad person then?  I don't think so - for either.  I may have made some poor choices - but show me someone who's never made a bad choice in their lifetime.  While I think our past is what shapes us today, I think that people can change and be better people, sometimes because of bad choices.  On the flip side, I think some people are just born without any conscience whatsoever.  They will never change.  But - they show us what we don't want to do/be when we grow up.  I've said, half-jokingly sometimes that we all make bad choices in our lives - I just happen to have permanent proof of mine.  Figure that one out.  LOL

If I had no morals or integrity, I'd still be with my ex-boyfriend (who had quite a bit of money).  I couldn't in good conscience stay in a relationship where I didn't love the other person.  He was making some poor choices at the time and I tried to steer him the right way - and it cost me the relationship.  Had I been willing to look the other way - I could have still been in the relationship.  But I couldn't do that.  I look back, and I think that in the long run - him making the choices he did ended up costing him way more than it did me.  I miss the friendship that we had, but not the relationship.  I miss being able to pay bills without having to worry about overdrawing my account, but not having to compromise my integrity or my morals.  Because staying with him for the money would have been wrong.  

Do I consider myself a moral person now?  I consider myself an honest person that has integrity and refuses to compromise that for anyone or anything.  I'm certainly by no means perfect.   I would walk a mile in someone else's shoes before even attempting to judge them or their choices, and I would expect the same from them. 

Have some of this, it'll regulate your morals.. :)

Good words to live by..

Desiderata

By Max Ehrman

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to all

even to the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others you will become vain and bitter;

there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let not this blind you to the virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have the right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

"Max Ehrmann © 1927, 1954 All Rights Reserved. In some reference books, Desiderata is still sometimes thought to have been 'found' at Old St. Paul's Church in Baltimore and to date back to 1692. It was actually written by Max Ehrmann and copyrighted by him in 1927, the copyright was renewed in 1954 by Bertha K. Ehrmann."

Thursday......

Oh, the DRAMA in my neighborhood!  Sometimes I think that I live in a bubble.  There are maybe 50 families in my neighborhood - and for the most part, everyone knows each other, all the kids get along, and while there are conflicts now and then, everyone gets past them.
Last week, a kid that's staying with his sister (because apparently the parents can't handle him?) decides to pick on Josh at the bus stop, smashing his cereal and then pulling stuff out of his backpack.  It was handled at school, I stayed out of it pretty much - because in High School - you really need to step back and let them work it out.  If it happens again, then I'll step in. 
Yesterday, two kids were arguing on the bus the whole way home.  The bus that is to capacity - if not more.  It escalated - and one kid starting punching the other one after they got off the bus.  The kid hitting?  A 16 year old, staying with his mother and her boyfriend.  Who's got quite the record from what I understand.  The one he was punching?  A 15 year old girl - who's got special needs.  She's OK, but he's lucky he's not 17 yet.  Luckily one of the adults was nearby, knowing that there had been issues on the bus lately.  If she hadn't been there, who knows how bad it could have gotten.
There are maybe 10 different versions of each story.  Which one is right?  I don't know.  I wasn't there.  But there were a lot of adults that were pretty pissed off last night.  THAT almost got out of hand.
A core group of us - ones that have lived here the longest - got together with our kids and had a long talk about how they need to set a good example for the younger kids, and they need to pay more attention to what is going on around them.  And if they see something happening like what happened yesterday - they need to step in and stop it before it gets out of hand. 
The kids in the neighborhood are good kids.  They're not hoodlums.  They're not punks. 
What happened to common courtesy?  Respect?  Not hitting a girl - EVER?  (And for the record - mine knows if he ever hits a girl and I find out, his ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower)....

Eeeesh...  it's been a long week.  And I have set some wheels in motion that may come back to bite me in the ass, and I can only hope that I've done the right thing.  Oy..

I'd rather be here right now:

Alllllllllllllllllrighty then!!

Sunday.  A day of rest.  I think I'll rest.  And then get my ass up and out for a walk.  :)

Life is short - embrace it.  A good friend of mine died a year ago this week.  She left behind two kids, and lots of friends that were all just devastated by it.  And it could have all been prevented.  Grrrr....  But I won't go there.  I'm trying for more zen in my life, not anger.

Speaking of Zen... this really isn't.  But again - life is short.  I know you're still reading.  You can try and hide your ISP, but it still shows up.  Including your location, what you read, how long you're on there, etc.   I'm not sure what the hell you're looking for - or why you continue to read and try and hide it.  But guess what?  It's past time that they knew.  It's not fair to them, it's not fair to my kid.  They have a right to know about each other.  Granted, I'm sure it was easier to explain M - maybe it was a lie about being separated at the time?  Who knows.  I'm sure it'll be a lot harder to explain a 6 month age difference.  But regardless - you have two choices - I do it, or you do it.  Plain and simple.  You were given an opportunity months ago, and ignored it.  So now?  Now instead of wondering if, you can wonder when.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... OK... back to zen....

Sunday Morning....

So Jack here has an interesting photography thing going on for Sunday mornings....

While I didn't take this today, I took it yesterday with the intention of sharing it.  Today.  :)  While I'm enjoying my coffee.  Out of the new Keurig.  I caved.  I bought one.  It's not bad, but I want one that has a "mega cup" size.  I don't like having to use 2 k-cups to get one decent coffee mug out of it. 
Anyway... enjoy :)

Friday Fill-Ins :)

Click here to play along!



1. When I was 10 years old I wanted to be a princess, a teacher, a movie star and a mother.  I got one of them right! LOL



2. Corn is my favorite vegetable because of the sweet corn man.  You have no idea of how good this stuff is.  I buy at least 2 doz ears and cut/freeze them for the winter.  Corn chowdah, chili, all sorts of good stuff benefits from the sweet corn man's expertise!



3. My dream pet is a dog that doesn't eat my house. LOL  But I have to say that the cat we have now (Ninja) is pretty cool.


4. When you are a good person, love surrounds you. When you are not a good person and live your life by lies and deception, negativity surrounds you.  I choose love.  I choose to live a good life.  I choose to lead by example and have my son be surrounded by people that love him in the hopes that he will grow up to be a better person than me (and I don't have to hope he'll grow up to be a better person than his father - he already is one).



5. If I could live anywhere in the world I'd live in the Cape during the summer, and I'm not sure during the winter.  I love Seattle.  I think I'd choose there.  It is so beautiful, surrounded by mountains and the ocean.  That is what I crave.  Michigan is so darn flat (where I am at least).  LOL



6. The good life keep on shinin' on me. In spite of my financial issues, I do have a good life.  I am surrounded by good people, good friends, good job (albeit a bit boring, but it's a good one) and some interesting potential dates.. :)



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing and getting ready for tomorrow my plans include garage sale in the rain (yet again!!) and Sunday, I want to maybe cookout, depending on the weather.  It is, after all, Labor Day!!
 
Enjoy the long weekend everyone!

Wierdness.....

Things get deleted, strange views pop up, twitter feeds disappear... Not sure what is going on.  But happy Thursday nonetheless!  I can't believe that it is September already.  School starts next week.  I'm the mother of a High School freshman.  Holy shit. 

I read someone's twitter that said "I hope my mum is cheating on my dad.  that would mean maybe we could leave.  Anything would be better than this".  That just breaks my heart that a kid would feel that way.   She's 16, but really?  She is still A KID.  How fucked up do the parents have to be to have their kid either aware of them not getting along, or maybe the father is a miserable SOB, who knows.  But it's just sad.  I think every kid deserves to grow up in a house where they are loved and happy - and around people that are happy.  My kid is almost 15, and he still loves me and wants to hang out with me.  I don't (I hope) think we'll ever get to the stage where he hates me or doesn't want to be around me.  Maybe it's my parenting, maybe not.  But I have to be doing something right. 

To that girl, I'd say - you have 2 years left and you can get out of that house and then your life will begin.  Don't let your parents screw up your future relationships - look for something better than what they have and don't you EVER settle for less than what you deserve.

Hang in there. 

Me...

Friday Fill-Ins

Click here to play along!

And...here we go!




1. How in the world did I end up in MICHIGAN of all places?



2. My whole life is in front of me. What am I going to do with it?



3. Life's a fickle bitch.  Don't piss her off, or she will send the karma train to run your ass over.. ;-)



4. Not sure that I've ever had a picnic lunch. But it sounds like a lovely idea!



5. That was where we you know, that one time - up in the woods.. when those kids came by?  LOLOLOLOLOL



6. There is nowhere that I think of as "our place".  There is no "our" right now in my life.  I consider my house *my* place though!  :)



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a retirement party, tomorrow my plans include a vendor event and Sunday, I want to chillax!!

Language....

So language. Sign language is the first language for one of my neighbors. She’s a cute little thing, and communicates by writing texts on her phone or walking around with a piece of paper and a pen. She’s very sweet and also communicates on facebook – her every move just about. But I figure that’s her way of communicating with people, so I just don’t let it bother me or think too much about it.




Last night I had a chocolate/dip party. I’m now a rep for both companies, and while the chocolate is very tasty – it’s also not cheap. It’s good chocolate. So my friend shows up with her two (both under 10) kids in tow, and they proceed to eat almost half a plate of brownies. Cut up very small – because this is the good stuff. I don’t say anything – because she’s cute. Her kids are cute. Until the boy opens his mouth. He asks if I have cookies. I tell him no. He demands something else, I tell him no. He demands a drink. I tell him that I have water. He says “I HATE WATER” and proceeds to cross his arms and take a defensive stance in front of me. I offer milk…. “I HATE MILK”.. well, what do you like then? ROOT BEER. I don’t have root beer. I have milk. I HATE MILK. What would you like? ROOT BEER. I don’t have root beer. And this goes on for a bit. Now his mother, being deaf – is completely oblivious to what is going on and how rude her son is being. He tells me that he hates EVERYTHING in my house, including the colors on my walls. I send him upstairs to play with my son and tell him before he goes up that if he comes down saying he hates my son, then he’s done at my house. He goes up, comes right back down and announces “I HATE JOSH” with a smirk. I tell him he’s done and needs to leave. At this point, the mother’s boyfriend is looking for her and she needs to get home. Then he’s leaving, and asks me my name and I give him a fake name and he yells “I HATE FAKE NAME”…

The little shit.  I refrained from bad language when he was in my house.  But oh, I wanted to smack the shit out of the little fucker. 

Tell me - How do you tell someone that their kid is rude??? He was BEYOND rude, and just had no manners whatsoever.



Do I tell her?   What would you do??

Life....

is very boring lately.  Which isn't really a bad thing, but I hate boring.  It's so... well.... boring. 

I've been working at a "new" job since June.  I'm not quite sure why they hired me, because my skill level is a lot higher than what this job demands.  So as a result, I'm sitting half the day doing things that just take up time.  Like... oh.... writing a blog post.  Or putting together catalogs for chocolate parties.  Yes, that's right.  Chocolate.  Parties.  Two words that you never thought you'd see together, right?  lol

I finally got a court date.  October 4th.  Which happens to be right before the baby daddy's birthday.

The interesting readers seem to have tapered off, maybe they got the information they were looking for?  In any case, they never contacted me.  Which is really too bad, because I think everyone has a right to the whole story.  Which I'm sure is somewhere in between mine and his, but anyway.  Maybe they're smart and figured it all out for themselves? 

School starts on the 6th.  I'm going to officially be the mother of a high-schooler.  Yikes!  But I guess that's funny considering that people I went to high school with are grandparents.  Holy shit, I don't feel that old.  I'm not that old.  I'm not, dammit!!  LOL

Happy Hump Day.  I'm off to find some work to do :)

Saturday 9 - but wait! It's Sunday, dammit!

Meh... so I'm off by a day :)

Hope everyone is well.  I stopped the other day and just relaxed... and realized that life has been pretty busy lately.  Which is good.  But more relaxation needs to be done.  After exercise.  Must exercise first.  Or walk.  Walking is good.  Yeah.  Walking.  LOL

Anywhooo... here's a meme..  I guess these are easier than coming up with post ideas.  I'm lazy.  Wait.  Exercise.  Must.  Exercise. 

1. In a relationship, have you ever hung in even when you knew for sure it was over?
* More than once.  The last time was because my son absolutely adored him.  I'll never make that mistake again - he hurt my son very much (never said goodbye or anything), and for that I felt responsible. 

2. If you had the ability to perpetually alleviate any pain on your body, what would it be?
* Oh my spine.  I have a ruptured disc in my neck, and perpetual back problems.  I would love to have a spine transplant.  Yeah.  Gimme a new one :)

3. What place would you visit if money were no object?
*Hmmmm.... I'd love to see Germany/Switzerland/Luxembourg - that whole Rhineland area. 

4. What is one thing you would love to change about yourself?
*My inability to shut up sometimes. 

5. Do you think your parents were too strict growing up?
*My mother was a bit overboard at times.  I told her once that they have support groups now for people like her - she didn't quite catch the humor in that...  But I never got into much trouble - so how can I complain, really?

6. In general, how many old friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year?
*Old, age-wise, or old as in I've known them forever?   I have many of both, and talk to them all the time! 

7. What was the last compliment you received?
*I was told last night that I looked like I was 27.  Granted she was only 12, but I love her anyway.. LOL

8. Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't really mean it?
*Sigh... haven't we all?  But the worst thing is finding out that someone told you that and never meant it. 

9. In your opinion, would it be harder to lose someone close to you more as a child or harder as an adult?
*Kids don't understand loss, really.  They just know that the person has gone away.  I've experienced loss of grandparents as a child, and loss of people as an adult.  I have to say - as an adult it's devastating if you're really close to them.  So as a kid?  Much easier.

Friday! Yay!

OK - well that interesting visitor issue seems to have stopped.  Nothing like a little shout out to make peeps disappear... LOL

I haven't done a Friday Fill-In for a while... so...

...here we go!




1. The only question is "would you like the red or white sangria?".



2. There aren't enough hours in one day to get all my stuff done.



3. Three things on my desk: coffee, iPod touch, tweezers (don't ask LOL).



4. Re-doing the birthday list @ work is the one thing I HAVE to do today!



5. I love playing with babies.  there's nothing like a belly laugh from a little one. 



6.Too much perfume overwhelms the senses.



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cleaning student houseing for the extra $$ and then SLEEP, tomorrow my plans include more cleaning and Sunday, I want to lie in the hammock and read my book :)!

Want to play along? Click the link below.

Friday fun time :)

Pssssssst... hey...

you there... yes.  you..  

What is it you're looking for?  Seriously.  You keep coming back.  You do searches under "putz".. you email links to other people. If you click on the label "putz" a lot of posts come up that maybe you should read that might answer some questions. 
But seriously.  Come on.  It's obvious which house you're from - but as to who in that house remains a mystery.  What is it?  Do you have questions?  Ask them!  Comments?  Make 'em!  I'm a nice person - really - in spite of what - if anything - you've been told (by a pathological liar, so keep that in mind).  I'm more than happy to answer questions.  Just ask.  Here's my email - bruceaholic@gmail.com 

Wouldn't life be much easier if you just asked whatever it is that you're looking for?

Domain Name verizon.net ? (Network)


IP Address 72.74.205.# (Verizon Internet Services)

ISP Verizon Internet Services

Location Continent : North America

Country : United States (Facts)

State : Massachusetts

City : Brockton

Lat/Long : 42.0827, -71.0191 (Map)

#13...

As requested by Ms. Pseudo, my answers for #13 in the previous post are.....
OK - I'm kidding on *that* one... LOL  But can you tell I'm a sucker for some dimples?

OK - and my super secret sexy secret service boyfriend...

Memememememememe time!

I haven't done one of these in ages, my house needs to be cleaned, and I'm procrastinating... so here goes.  And if you're reading this - consider yourself tagged :)

1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water?
~ start the water, let it warm up and then get in!

2. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
~ I'm 45 years old.  What do you think?  Duh....

3. Were you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
~ No, but I was forced to take a tub with my brother Bob when he was a toddler.  That stopped when he pooped into the tub and called it a boat.  I forever refused to do it again.


4. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
~ Again, I'm 45.  Really?

5. How old do people say you look?
~  Younger than 45

6. How old do you act?
~ Certainly not 45 - that was old when I was young.  I'm not old!

7. What’s the last song you sang?
~ I don't know.  Would you like me to sing one now?  Any requests?

8. Have you recently become a member of anything?
~ UAW through work.  Does that count? 

9. What are your plans for next weekend?
~ Not sure yet - you offering something?

10. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?
~ both..  I like to know what's going on around me..

11. Whats the sexiest thing about Sarah Palin?
~ Seriously?  What the hell kind of question is THAT??

12. Who’s the sexiest famous woman alive?
~ According to my 14 year old, Angelina Jolie.  Because she has the best boobs, apparently..

13. Who’s the sexiest famous man alive?
~  Ahhhhhhhhh there are too many to list...  I could post pictures if you like?

14. Does your family have a crazy uncle?
~  A few of them.  Some are still with us, some have passed on.  There was a certified crazy aunt or two too!

15. Have you ever smuggled something into another country?
~ Booze.  From Canada.  So shoot me.  It's not like I went for the Cuban cigars or anything.

16. Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
~ I'm *FROM* a city with some GREAT sports teams!  Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins and Celtics..  (and they're my favorites, in order)

17. What is the most unusual?
~  Most unusual what?  Food?  Body Part?  Thing on my desk?  Too vague, meme, too vague..

18. How do feel about the Goth people?
~ To each their own.  I don't purport to know everything about everyone else's beliefs, and don't expect everyone to know mine.  I don't judge.  Unless you're a bad speller, and then, I'll admit - I do.

19. Can you fix or your significant other your own car?
~ Depends.  I can change my own oil.  Replace a bulb or a windshield wiper.  But for the life of me, I cannot get the damn stuck CD's out of my CD player!  Hint - don't ever play CD's with labels on them in a Bose system.  It will fuck it up. 

This weekend

Let the games begin....

We're once again cleaning student housing for the next 2 weeks.  I'm always left shaking my head at the end because of a couple of reasons.  1 - you wouldn't believe what these kids leave behind - because they have no concept of money or the cost of things - last year?  Numerous dorm fridges, a Kirby vacuum cleaner, and lots and lots of kitchen stuff.  I get my best deals the next two weeks :)  2?  The filth that these kids live in.  We come in - work our asses off and get paid well for it - but it's amazing how kids will live.  One place last year had 3 full baths.  So apparently when someone threw up in one of the tubs, that was OK - because they just left it and used the other 2.  Seriously?  That's nasty.  One stove/oven took me over 4 hours to scrub and it still looked disgusting.  I wish the parents that come in at the beginning of the year, complaining about how their little angels couldn't possibly move in until *that* baseboard is cleaned - would come back at the end of the year and see how their angel has turned into a little pig.    Ugh.

Anyway...

Sunday my son's brother gets married.  It's too bad he doesn't know about his little brother, because he's kind of a hoot.   It's a shame that stupid adults make dumb decisions based on their own selfish needs instead of what is best for their kids.  But that will all change eventually.  No, I didn't send a gift from "your brother Josh" - although I did think about it LOL..  That wouldn't have been fair to the happy couple.  And that's what Sunday is all about - not about the parents, the kids, or anything else - it's about them.  So Congratulations Carly and Brian - from your baby brother's baby mama.  No drama.  LOL

Ahhh

What a great week last week was.  Got to see some family, friends and get some quality time on the beach.  I <3 the beach.  Especially when it's sunny. 

I'm kind of curious who from the Brockton, MA area keeps reading the blog.  Someone from Braintree, MA, too.  Come out come out, wherever you are!  What are you looking for, anything in particular?    Have questions?  Feel free to ask.  Comments?  Feel free to leave 'em.   Want to ask/comment in private?  Feel free to shoot me an email.   I'll make it easy - bruceaholic@gmail.com

Here's a hint, though - read some of the archives :)

Peace out.

Guess where I'm going...

Enjoy - see you all in a couple of weeks - I know I'm going to enjoy it!!

Ahhhhhhhh

So I hear...

that this place is pretty cool - I wonder if the boy would like to go there next month while we're in the area....

Some more sunshine....

 

These guys.... they really make me smile.  And while the lead singer was born 4 years after I graduated from High School, I can still dream, can't I?  He's hot...  

Yup.  Happy.  Sunshine.  Puppies, unicorns and rainbows.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Blowing sunshine....

Another one in the  Spin Cycle   Two in a row?  What's this world coming to?!

What makes me smile?

Puppies and unicorns?  Hardly.  A baby.  Babies make me smile – I just love them – how could someone not?  Ok, fine.  Puppies.  Puppies are cute.   My kid makes me smile, because he’s so damn smart and grown up that he’s going to be gone sooner than I realize and I will miss him more than he realizes.  I can’t wait to see what kind of man he will grow into. :) 

I’ve had a crappy few weeks, starting with a payroll error from my former employer – that they corrected a week later by taking back EVERYTHING and then re-issuing another deposit.  As a result, my accounts have been overdrawn pretty much for 2 weeks straight.  Yes, all of them. 

The best thing about it all?  I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support and assistance offered to me.  And the “pay me back when you can” attitude.  I owe a couple hundred bucks to people – and they haven’t said “give it to me now or I’ll break your kneecaps”..  it’s been a “don’t worry about it” kind of thing.  It’s amazing, and nice to know that if I were in a huge bind (like I actually have been) that there are people I can lean on.  It’s hard for me to ask for help, so the fact that I accepted it is (to me) huge.  But I had no choice.  I had no money, no gas, no food. 
I finally got a check yesterday.  That made me smile BIG.  And then today, my bank refunded me ALL of the overdraft fees.  I love my bank.
 The knowledge that I'm going *home* in a week.  I'll see my family.  My friends.  The ocean. 

Seafood *this* fresh...

Now I'm all puppies and unicorns happy :)

Here's a funny...

Tulepen here.. wrote a hysterical post about what her kids say, or in particular what her daughter doesn't say (please)... but it reminded me of a really funny story that my friend Kim tells about her daughter. 

They were having a discussion one time about her daughter taking a shower.  She was probably about 4 at the time, maybe?  And she had decided that she did NOT want to take one at that particular time.  And one of her final responses was

"I do NOT want to take a FUCKING shower!"

crickets chirping....

Kim:  "WHAT did you just say??!!"

ever so precocious daughter "I don't want to take a damn shower?"....

Forgiveness....

My friends Erin and Pseudo have already done their Spin for the week - click through to click on their posts... and lots of others - here - Spin Cycle. 

Forgiveness is a tough one for me.  I know that it sets me free.  It lightens my load a bit.  Can I forgive and not forget?

I've had some, shall we say, interesting times in my life.  I have met the wrong guys, the wrong friends, some great guys, some great friends - too bad I couldn't tell the right from wrong at the right times. 
But...  I am a believer that it all balances out in the end.   Like karma.  Does wishing bad karma on someone have bad karma come back to get you?  I wonder.

Anyway.  I digress.
Anyone that knows me knows that the past few years have been challenging as far as forgiveness goes.  I was taken for a lot.  I trusted the wrong people.  How do I forgive someone that was instrumental in losing my home, the life I had, and people that I considered family?  She knew what she was doing.  She thought it was fun, like a game to her.   I may have lost it all anyway - but it was the fact that it was because of her that just made it worse.   I forgave my ex a long time ago - he knew no better.  Her?  Ugh.  I try and just be indifferent.  But wish her genital warts.  That's a step, right?

I trusted my son's father when he told me he loved me oh so many years ago.  I've raised the child we created on my own because he's a coward and couldn't/wouldn't grow a spine.  He hates me because I called him out on his shit and stood up for myself and refused to be treated like shit, and he takes that out on our son by having nothing to do with him.  Is that a forgivable offense?  I don't know.  It's hard to forgive someone that has the capacity to hurt someone that is so dear to me. 

Pat Monahan, from the band Train (one of my faves) blogged about letting go here (and it's a great blog, fun to read!). 

See, I know it's not just me.

Do I let it consume my life?  No.  Do I dwell on it?  Sometimes.   Do I think of doing things to get back?  Don't we all?  I just don't act on the thoughts.  That's progress, right?

Sigh...

I've admitted when I've been wrong and asked for forgiveness and gotten it - but none of the things I ever did were that bad.  But still, why can't it be that easy to give it?

I'm working on it. 

tired, tired, tired....

Hope everyone had a fabulous Fourth :)

The week, financially, went from bad to worse and then some.
I'm tired and still catching up on sleep.  And that's all I'm whining about.  Because I have a good, secure job, a roof over my head, and a healthy kid.  What more could I want?

But other than being broke -  it was a fine weekend - didn't spend any money except on gas, which was awesome.  Saw the Blue Angels - which were fantastic - and the boy said they were "EPIC"... and he agreed that it was a great weekend.  Awesome weather.  I have quite the sunburn that I hope turns to tan quickly - and yes, I was wearing sunscreen.
Saturday night I may have been overserved... whoops...  But oh, it was fun. 
Here are some shots from the Blue Angels -  (*finally figured out how to fix the size yay!!*)

Still no response from the putz OR the FFW.  Hmmph.  But there's a funny coming with regard to one of them... stay tuned.  LOL

Lots of really bizarre shit....

So I got paid last week from my old job.  Won't get paid until the 7th from the new job.  Apparently the old job OVERpaid me, so they waited a week and then reversed the deposits.  And of course - I paid bills with that money.  So it's not there.  And it overdrafts my account.  FANfuckingtabulous.  Then I hit (and kill) a bird on the way to work.  Then it rains.  And my windows are open.  And I have on a white shirt.  I have rather large American breasteses.  'Nuff said about that.

A couple of days ago, I'm talking to my good friend Stevie.  Her son plays on the same baseball team as the FFW's youngest son.  (For anyone that doesn't know about her, there are many posts tagged with "FFW" that give the back story) Hmmph.  Well Stevie has been around since pretty much the beginning after I moved out of the Fuckwit's house, and knows the whole story.  And she says to me that she had a conversation last week with the FFW.  Who knows that we're good friends.  And she says "you know, I kind of liked her.  She seemed very sweet and genuine"... ...  And then proceeds to tell me that they talked about me.  And the FFW has *NO* idea what she ever did to get me so mad.  She *hates* having enemies, and just doesn't understand it all.  And then went on about how I wrote a blog about her, and it was just horrible (for anyone that read it - LOL 'ya think???)..  Anyway.  She had Stevie pretty much snowed.  So I did something.  I wrote her (the FFW) an email.  Here:

OK,

so let me get this straight.  You have NO idea why I ever stopped being your friend?  You have NO idea what ever could have gotten me so upset?

So then answer me these questions - because really, if you had NO idea - I'd love to know the answers..

Why did you continue to call T in California after I asked you not to?

If I could find the email I sent you about friendship and what that meant, I'd resend it to you - and ask you to answer it now.  Because you didn't when I sent it to you.  But from what I understand, you agreed with pretty much everything I had to say in it. 

Why did he Theo of a sudden think he had a chance with you?  From what I understood - it was because that would get him to break up with me - and get me out of the way, right?  Then nobody would be asking you to take any responsibility.  You could continue to live rent free.  Use the lake house any time you wanted.  Use the cars any time you wanted.  Because God knows he wasn't going to call you on it. 

Why was it that me asking you to be more responsible for yourself and your kids turned into "Kathy's being mean to me"?

Why did you laugh when you found out Josh was devastated about T and I breaking up - or do you deny that?  Why did your kid feel that it was OK to walk past him in the hall and say "you suck"  "your mom sucks"  "your Mom stole from us/T"... Which you know damn well wasn't true. 

Do you deny that you lived off of T's generosity for over FOUR YEARS???  Do you deny that you ever made fun of him behind his back?  Do you deny getting pissed off when my son said that we let you live in the house for free?  Because that was the truth?

Fact is - T didn't even know you.  *I* introduced you to him.  *I* asked him to let you live in that house rent free for a while to help you get back on your feet because I was in a position to help and wanted to pay it forward.  It wasn't until later that I found out you lied about C and the reasons you wanted out from that relationship.  Was it really because he asked you to contribute a few hundred bucks a month to the household expenses? 

So come on.  Really.  I'm dying to hear your reasoning.  You want to be my friend?  Prove it.  Acknowledge what you did.    And here's the kicker  - like that friendship letter, you have no idea who I've copied on this.  Who else is going to be wondering what your answers are. 

I don't care about T.  I don't care about what he did - because really, he never knew any better.  And my life is better without him in it.  And in reality, he and I would have broken up eventually anyway - but I would have rather had it be on my terms.  Certainly not yours.   And I think you knew exactly what you were doing.  So, let's see if you can admit it.  Own up to what you did. 

I would never ask someone not to befriend you - or not to be friends with you.  But I will make sure that they know what you're really like.  Unless, of course, you care to clear up any misconceptions I may have about you. 


And then, because that may have been a bit harsh.  I sent her this one.



I'm sorry if this sounded a bit harsh - but really, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.  If you can answer these questions and explain to me why I was so misled about everything - I'm all ears.


That was Monday.  And I told Stevie that I sent her that.  And said if she wanted to read them, she was more than welcome to.  And we agreed that if she responded, that would mean that what she was telling Stevie was really the truth and she was being genuine.  And if she didn't respond and ignored it, then she was still a manipulative, conniving, filthy fucking whore. 

What do you think she did??

It's a beautiful day in the 'hood....

It really is.  I think that a pool visit may be in order.  Or demanded.  By the large number of screaming females coming to the house at noon.  There goes the plans of quietly reading my book, while eating bon-bons...  LOL NOT!

We have a pool at the development I live in, and it's got a splash park.  Which makes for lots of fun for the little ones.  And God knows I love a house full of peeps - so it's my kind of day  :)

No updates on anything.  Well.  The new job is going well - the people are nice - some interesting personalities.  It's obvious that some people don't like others - but I don't care, I like everybody.  Trying to get a "birthday club" together and only 4 or 5 signed up.  Again - interesting.. 

For the most part, life is good.  I like when it's calm like this - but there's always a shit-storm of sorts just over the horizon.  I think that the Secret Keeper MPU is not a happy person with me right now.  My attorney got a call this week that he's represented by the same attorney he had before (that thought he was a douche - go figure), and there have been some interesting locations showing up on the feedjit lately.   He refuses to answer my emails or send money that he owes - because we all know *that* is the way to get back at me.  LOL  I told him that he can do that, but it only reinforces my thought that he's an ass and to put on his big boy pants and realize that he's got to deal with the fact that he's the boy's father for at least 4 more years, no matter how much he'd like to hide it. 
Whatever... 

Happy Sunday!  I'm going to go make some dip.  :)

Father's Day...

Oy.  Father's Day.  This one is a toughie for me, always has been.

While I wish my father a wonderful father's day - it's a tough one on my son (or for me, not so much him).

We were walking by cards last week in Walmart, and he started laughing when he saw one that said "hey Dad, thanks for everything".. he asked if that would be appropriate to send to his Dad - with a sarcastic twist (wow, he really is my kid LOL).  And he always refers to him as "my Dad"..  I always refer to him as "your father".  Big difference there. 

He was around for the first year.  Kind of.  When Josh had surgery at 13 weeks, he showed up in the hospital on his way to work.  After the surgery was over, said and done.  I was the one that was there at 5:30 am to hand him over to the anesthesiologist, not knowing if I'd ever see him again.  Thank God my stepmother came with me for support, otherwise I'd have been on my own.   We'd meet every once in a while and take a walk, or he would use wanting to see him as an excuse to see me.  Guess I hadn't learned yet.   Josh was just starting to say "DaDa" when he saw him when the shit hit the fan.  On his first birthday, Kevin stopped in (of course on his way to work) and spent 10 minutes with him.  I'd sat around all day, waiting for him to come and spend time with his child.  I postponed a birthday party so he could see him.  Because, really, what kind of person would I be if I didn't do everything I could to make sure that my son knew his father?  I snapped.  I told him that he was more than welcome to see his child any time he wanted - but he had to be consistent and not sneak around to do it.  Not asking much, right?  I decided that what had been good enough for me was definitely not good enough for my son.  He never made an effort to see him again.  We'd run into each other and Josh would say hello to the nice policeman, but I wouldn't tell him that was "Dad".  He didn't deserve it at that point. And because we lived near each other, one question I brought up was "what happens if we run into each other in the store and he sees you?  Calls you Dad?  what are you going to do - run away"...  His response "of course not".. Thank goodness it never happened, because I think that's what he would have done. 

When I found out I was pregnant, I gave him the option of walking away - said "now is your chance to leave, if you want nothing to do with this baby - walk away now, no strings attached".  His response "what do you think I am, an asshole"?  Um. YES?  But at that point I was still in love, trying to regain my dignity and self-respect and getting pregnant by a married man wasn't where I wanted my life to go.  Oh, hadn't heard that story?  I thought I'd posted about it before, but can't find it to link to it.  Suffice it to say it wasn't one of the smartest decisions in my life.   Anyway, I digress...  He chose not to walk away.  And then got mad at me when I took him to court for child support.   Really?  Really?   Anyway - we came to a truce of sorts, and would run into each other and say hello, and he'd spend a couple of minutes with Josh and then be all sad because he wasn't a part of his life.  Whatever - your choice, dude.

He had another child with another girlfriend (Jeanne) a couple of years before me.  She and I became great friends and our kids knew each other (but not that they were siblings).  That ended when I caught her sleeping with Kevin again - him cheating on his wife (yet again) and her cheating on her husband.  Her daughter didn't know him as her father, thought that Jeanne's husband was her father.  There's more to the story, but I'm trying to make this short and sweet.  Right?  LOL

Josh wrote him a letter when he was 7 or 8.  He ignored it.  He's had his attorney come to me in court and say "he just wants to make it clear he wants nothing to do with this child" - and my response was that he'd made that crystal clear for years.  She indicated with her tone and manner that she thought he was a piece of shit.  Really?  Tell me something I don't know.   I told him that he'd had the opportunity to walk away when I was pregnant and he chose not to do that. I flat out told him that since he decided that this child is going to grow up without a father, I decided that he would lack for nothing else - and that Kevin would pay for it.  So every time I can - I take him back for an increase in child support.  And make it clear that if he'd #1 - walked away when he had the chance, we wouldn't be there.  And #2 - if he were a decent human being, we wouldn't be there.

He and his wife have since divorced, he and Jeanne now live together and he plays father of the year to their daughter (who has been introduced and accepted into the family - not quite sure how that was handled...) and the 3 kids he had with his ex-wife.   And who knows about their youngest half-sibling, Josh?  None of them.  Because that would make him look like an asshole.  Really? 

So yeah.  Happy fucking father's day Kevin.  You're a piece of shit and I think deep down, you know that.  I can only hope that some day karma bites you in the ass...