Guess where I'm going...

Enjoy - see you all in a couple of weeks - I know I'm going to enjoy it!!

Ahhhhhhhh

So I hear...

that this place is pretty cool - I wonder if the boy would like to go there next month while we're in the area....

Some more sunshine....

 

These guys.... they really make me smile.  And while the lead singer was born 4 years after I graduated from High School, I can still dream, can't I?  He's hot...  

Yup.  Happy.  Sunshine.  Puppies, unicorns and rainbows.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Blowing sunshine....

Another one in the  Spin Cycle   Two in a row?  What's this world coming to?!

What makes me smile?

Puppies and unicorns?  Hardly.  A baby.  Babies make me smile – I just love them – how could someone not?  Ok, fine.  Puppies.  Puppies are cute.   My kid makes me smile, because he’s so damn smart and grown up that he’s going to be gone sooner than I realize and I will miss him more than he realizes.  I can’t wait to see what kind of man he will grow into. :) 

I’ve had a crappy few weeks, starting with a payroll error from my former employer – that they corrected a week later by taking back EVERYTHING and then re-issuing another deposit.  As a result, my accounts have been overdrawn pretty much for 2 weeks straight.  Yes, all of them. 

The best thing about it all?  I’ve been overwhelmed with the amount of support and assistance offered to me.  And the “pay me back when you can” attitude.  I owe a couple hundred bucks to people – and they haven’t said “give it to me now or I’ll break your kneecaps”..  it’s been a “don’t worry about it” kind of thing.  It’s amazing, and nice to know that if I were in a huge bind (like I actually have been) that there are people I can lean on.  It’s hard for me to ask for help, so the fact that I accepted it is (to me) huge.  But I had no choice.  I had no money, no gas, no food. 
I finally got a check yesterday.  That made me smile BIG.  And then today, my bank refunded me ALL of the overdraft fees.  I love my bank.
 The knowledge that I'm going *home* in a week.  I'll see my family.  My friends.  The ocean. 

Seafood *this* fresh...

Now I'm all puppies and unicorns happy :)

Here's a funny...

Tulepen here.. wrote a hysterical post about what her kids say, or in particular what her daughter doesn't say (please)... but it reminded me of a really funny story that my friend Kim tells about her daughter. 

They were having a discussion one time about her daughter taking a shower.  She was probably about 4 at the time, maybe?  And she had decided that she did NOT want to take one at that particular time.  And one of her final responses was

"I do NOT want to take a FUCKING shower!"

crickets chirping....

Kim:  "WHAT did you just say??!!"

ever so precocious daughter "I don't want to take a damn shower?"....

Forgiveness....

My friends Erin and Pseudo have already done their Spin for the week - click through to click on their posts... and lots of others - here - Spin Cycle. 

Forgiveness is a tough one for me.  I know that it sets me free.  It lightens my load a bit.  Can I forgive and not forget?

I've had some, shall we say, interesting times in my life.  I have met the wrong guys, the wrong friends, some great guys, some great friends - too bad I couldn't tell the right from wrong at the right times. 
But...  I am a believer that it all balances out in the end.   Like karma.  Does wishing bad karma on someone have bad karma come back to get you?  I wonder.

Anyway.  I digress.
Anyone that knows me knows that the past few years have been challenging as far as forgiveness goes.  I was taken for a lot.  I trusted the wrong people.  How do I forgive someone that was instrumental in losing my home, the life I had, and people that I considered family?  She knew what she was doing.  She thought it was fun, like a game to her.   I may have lost it all anyway - but it was the fact that it was because of her that just made it worse.   I forgave my ex a long time ago - he knew no better.  Her?  Ugh.  I try and just be indifferent.  But wish her genital warts.  That's a step, right?

I trusted my son's father when he told me he loved me oh so many years ago.  I've raised the child we created on my own because he's a coward and couldn't/wouldn't grow a spine.  He hates me because I called him out on his shit and stood up for myself and refused to be treated like shit, and he takes that out on our son by having nothing to do with him.  Is that a forgivable offense?  I don't know.  It's hard to forgive someone that has the capacity to hurt someone that is so dear to me. 

Pat Monahan, from the band Train (one of my faves) blogged about letting go here (and it's a great blog, fun to read!). 

See, I know it's not just me.

Do I let it consume my life?  No.  Do I dwell on it?  Sometimes.   Do I think of doing things to get back?  Don't we all?  I just don't act on the thoughts.  That's progress, right?

Sigh...

I've admitted when I've been wrong and asked for forgiveness and gotten it - but none of the things I ever did were that bad.  But still, why can't it be that easy to give it?

I'm working on it. 

tired, tired, tired....

Hope everyone had a fabulous Fourth :)

The week, financially, went from bad to worse and then some.
I'm tired and still catching up on sleep.  And that's all I'm whining about.  Because I have a good, secure job, a roof over my head, and a healthy kid.  What more could I want?

But other than being broke -  it was a fine weekend - didn't spend any money except on gas, which was awesome.  Saw the Blue Angels - which were fantastic - and the boy said they were "EPIC"... and he agreed that it was a great weekend.  Awesome weather.  I have quite the sunburn that I hope turns to tan quickly - and yes, I was wearing sunscreen.
Saturday night I may have been overserved... whoops...  But oh, it was fun. 
Here are some shots from the Blue Angels -  (*finally figured out how to fix the size yay!!*)

Still no response from the putz OR the FFW.  Hmmph.  But there's a funny coming with regard to one of them... stay tuned.  LOL

Lots of really bizarre shit....

So I got paid last week from my old job.  Won't get paid until the 7th from the new job.  Apparently the old job OVERpaid me, so they waited a week and then reversed the deposits.  And of course - I paid bills with that money.  So it's not there.  And it overdrafts my account.  FANfuckingtabulous.  Then I hit (and kill) a bird on the way to work.  Then it rains.  And my windows are open.  And I have on a white shirt.  I have rather large American breasteses.  'Nuff said about that.

A couple of days ago, I'm talking to my good friend Stevie.  Her son plays on the same baseball team as the FFW's youngest son.  (For anyone that doesn't know about her, there are many posts tagged with "FFW" that give the back story) Hmmph.  Well Stevie has been around since pretty much the beginning after I moved out of the Fuckwit's house, and knows the whole story.  And she says to me that she had a conversation last week with the FFW.  Who knows that we're good friends.  And she says "you know, I kind of liked her.  She seemed very sweet and genuine"... ...  And then proceeds to tell me that they talked about me.  And the FFW has *NO* idea what she ever did to get me so mad.  She *hates* having enemies, and just doesn't understand it all.  And then went on about how I wrote a blog about her, and it was just horrible (for anyone that read it - LOL 'ya think???)..  Anyway.  She had Stevie pretty much snowed.  So I did something.  I wrote her (the FFW) an email.  Here:

OK,

so let me get this straight.  You have NO idea why I ever stopped being your friend?  You have NO idea what ever could have gotten me so upset?

So then answer me these questions - because really, if you had NO idea - I'd love to know the answers..

Why did you continue to call T in California after I asked you not to?

If I could find the email I sent you about friendship and what that meant, I'd resend it to you - and ask you to answer it now.  Because you didn't when I sent it to you.  But from what I understand, you agreed with pretty much everything I had to say in it. 

Why did he Theo of a sudden think he had a chance with you?  From what I understood - it was because that would get him to break up with me - and get me out of the way, right?  Then nobody would be asking you to take any responsibility.  You could continue to live rent free.  Use the lake house any time you wanted.  Use the cars any time you wanted.  Because God knows he wasn't going to call you on it. 

Why was it that me asking you to be more responsible for yourself and your kids turned into "Kathy's being mean to me"?

Why did you laugh when you found out Josh was devastated about T and I breaking up - or do you deny that?  Why did your kid feel that it was OK to walk past him in the hall and say "you suck"  "your mom sucks"  "your Mom stole from us/T"... Which you know damn well wasn't true. 

Do you deny that you lived off of T's generosity for over FOUR YEARS???  Do you deny that you ever made fun of him behind his back?  Do you deny getting pissed off when my son said that we let you live in the house for free?  Because that was the truth?

Fact is - T didn't even know you.  *I* introduced you to him.  *I* asked him to let you live in that house rent free for a while to help you get back on your feet because I was in a position to help and wanted to pay it forward.  It wasn't until later that I found out you lied about C and the reasons you wanted out from that relationship.  Was it really because he asked you to contribute a few hundred bucks a month to the household expenses? 

So come on.  Really.  I'm dying to hear your reasoning.  You want to be my friend?  Prove it.  Acknowledge what you did.    And here's the kicker  - like that friendship letter, you have no idea who I've copied on this.  Who else is going to be wondering what your answers are. 

I don't care about T.  I don't care about what he did - because really, he never knew any better.  And my life is better without him in it.  And in reality, he and I would have broken up eventually anyway - but I would have rather had it be on my terms.  Certainly not yours.   And I think you knew exactly what you were doing.  So, let's see if you can admit it.  Own up to what you did. 

I would never ask someone not to befriend you - or not to be friends with you.  But I will make sure that they know what you're really like.  Unless, of course, you care to clear up any misconceptions I may have about you. 


And then, because that may have been a bit harsh.  I sent her this one.



I'm sorry if this sounded a bit harsh - but really, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.  If you can answer these questions and explain to me why I was so misled about everything - I'm all ears.


That was Monday.  And I told Stevie that I sent her that.  And said if she wanted to read them, she was more than welcome to.  And we agreed that if she responded, that would mean that what she was telling Stevie was really the truth and she was being genuine.  And if she didn't respond and ignored it, then she was still a manipulative, conniving, filthy fucking whore. 

What do you think she did??