Just for Jeanne....

So I know that you think that you "won"... because you live with him now.  Woohoo!!  You won.  You won a racist, bigoted, disgusting fat pig of a man that not only walked away from your child - and then miraculously appeared again - he walked away from another one - and you're OK with that - and even encourage it.  Do you WONDER why your daughter hates you?   Do you think that the lies will ever catch up to you?  Or do you really know what the truth is..

And did you really win?  Or was it by default?  I guess you'll never know.  But here are his words...

Kind of curious though - how come it took so long for you to be put on the deed?  How come you're not married yet?  Even if you are in the "best relationship of your life" as you put it?     You have a fucked up view of life if this is the best relationship you've ever been in. 

Now it's on.....

Sent June 23 to my son's sperm donor:
We just saw you on the highway. Josh would like to meet you. Just to say hello. We are here until tomorrow morning. Do the right thing Kevin. He just wants to meet you. This isn't about me or you it's about a kid that has nothing to do with our issues.

** My kid was crying in the back seat of the car.  Said he just wanted to meet his Dad, he didn't remember him, and that he'd never heard his voice.  Mind you - the child has written him a letter before, and it went ignored.  This from a man that walked away from him when he was a year old - so regardless of what he may tell people - he walked away from a kid he KNEW.   I explained that he was working and that we couldn't just show up - it wouldn't be fair, and that maybe he could write another letter and maybe he'd respond this time.   Not one negative thing about the asshole - because that's not for me to tell him. 

Sent June 26?  A check to me for his half of the copays.  No mention of the email.

Hurting me is one thing.  Hurting my kid?  Totally separate.  For those that read here often - I apologize, because it's going to get a bit ugly here over the next few days.  I need to work out some frustration.  And whoever is reading in Brockton?  You're going to get an eye full.

For Google's sake - if anyone is looking up Kevin Fay of the Mass State Police - I hope it shows up now.

Dickhead.

Oh, and how about the card for the boy's Christening?

People I want to punch in the face....

Seriously...

- myself, sometimes.  Especially today.  No supervisors so I brought a book.  Janet Evanovich's "Explosive Eighteen".  Start reading it, realize that I never read "Smokin' Seventeen".. Whatthefuckever...  Fine.  I'll go to the library.

- P at work.  Just for being dumb. Really dumb.  And someone actually gave her a Masters Degree?  Really??

- S at work.  Same thing.  Only she's obnoxious about it - and for some reason has diarrhea of the mouth lately.  At least once a day I have to save someone from her by calling them from my cell and feigning some sort of disaster..

 - people that can't drive.  Get the hell out of my way, moron.

- Stupid people.  no.  Really.  Twice.  Just because they're f'ing dumb.   And then even another time for those that reproduce and further the stupidity in their spawn....

- my son's father.  Just because and on principle.  And then the rest of his family, too (that know about the boy and ignore his existence).  Because they're all dumb.  Or stupid.  Or both. 

-  ALS.  I'd like to punch it in the face for invading my brother's body.  if it had a face, that is.   Stupid ALS. 

 - Rich people.  They' all crazy.  And don't share.  I miss when I was rich......


Enough for today..

Liar Liar pants on Fire...

Well, that's over with. Thank goodness.  I got an increase - not as much as I'd hoped for, but considering he was trying to get it decreased, it all worked out... 
The interesting views on the blog have continued - I'm still curious as to who it is and what they're looking for. And for the record? Your ISP blocker? Doesn’t work so well. LOL
Court was.. well... interesting. According to my lawyer - he looks like shit. She went on and on about it - I have to laugh. But it's sad. He's a pathetic human being and maybe it's starting to take its toll on him - keeping all the lies straight is exhausting, I'm sure.

One really good one? I'm emailing his 70-80-something year old mother. I was like WHAT?? I couldn't tell you if the woman even HAS an email. I sent her a letter about 10 years ago (which he and I actually talked about - around 12 years ago) and send her a picture every year. No note. No nothing - just a picture. If she doesn't want them, she can send them back. But she keeps them. And somehow that morphed into me emailing her. whatever. Liar liar pants on fire.

My personal favorite, though?  That he'd see the boy - but we live in Michigan.  That's his excuse for no contact.  I wonder how he'd be if I said "hey, I'm moving home - when do you want to start your visitation?"....  Again - Liar Liar pants on fire...

He brought up bills from 2007. I'm not even going to explain that one - except that he was reaching for stuff to whine about.

About a month ago, I mailed his oldest a letter. He's 27, he's not a child. He's an adult. Was I right in doing so? I don't know. But I was respectful, and pretty much said - hey, you have a brother, if you'd like to know him, that's great. He’s had 15 years to tell these kids about him, and it’s obvious at this point that he never will. And really, life is short. Too short to be keeping ginormous secrets like that. It must get tiring. Exhausting. And then you look like shit.

Want some cheese with that whine?

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack......

Just an FYI - this blog is mine.  I own the pictures, the words, all of it.  Anything you read here could be the truth, it could be made up, or could be something in-between.  If you don't like what you see - then don't read it.  Nobody's full names are mentioned here, and if you read something and attribute it to yourself (or maybe your ex?) that's your perception - not necessarily my intention. 

Is this week over yet?

I'm really just wanting this week to be over, and all settled. 

We went apple picking last weekend.  I got way too many apples, and before the fruit flies set in I had to do something with them.  And then I couldn't find my apple corer/slicer/dicer thingie from Pampered Chef.  Thank goodness my neighbor had one!  I spent about 2 hours coring/slicing/dicing.  I have a ton of apples now frozen (who knew you could freeze them?!?), and made a small apple crisp and a larger apple pie in a bag.  Yes.  In a bag.  A paper bag, like you get at the grocery store.  Yum. 
This is what it looked like when it was done:

it tastes as good as it looks.  I had heard that these were fabulous - so I decided to try one.  I found a couple of recipes, and tweaked/combined, and cooked. 

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Happy Sunday - I'm off to finish painting the spare bedroom.  I am determined to get this place finished.  Dammit.  LOL

Alllllllllllllllllrighty then!!

Sunday.  A day of rest.  I think I'll rest.  And then get my ass up and out for a walk.  :)

Life is short - embrace it.  A good friend of mine died a year ago this week.  She left behind two kids, and lots of friends that were all just devastated by it.  And it could have all been prevented.  Grrrr....  But I won't go there.  I'm trying for more zen in my life, not anger.

Speaking of Zen... this really isn't.  But again - life is short.  I know you're still reading.  You can try and hide your ISP, but it still shows up.  Including your location, what you read, how long you're on there, etc.   I'm not sure what the hell you're looking for - or why you continue to read and try and hide it.  But guess what?  It's past time that they knew.  It's not fair to them, it's not fair to my kid.  They have a right to know about each other.  Granted, I'm sure it was easier to explain M - maybe it was a lie about being separated at the time?  Who knows.  I'm sure it'll be a lot harder to explain a 6 month age difference.  But regardless - you have two choices - I do it, or you do it.  Plain and simple.  You were given an opportunity months ago, and ignored it.  So now?  Now instead of wondering if, you can wonder when.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... OK... back to zen....

Wierdness.....

Things get deleted, strange views pop up, twitter feeds disappear... Not sure what is going on.  But happy Thursday nonetheless!  I can't believe that it is September already.  School starts next week.  I'm the mother of a High School freshman.  Holy shit. 

I read someone's twitter that said "I hope my mum is cheating on my dad.  that would mean maybe we could leave.  Anything would be better than this".  That just breaks my heart that a kid would feel that way.   She's 16, but really?  She is still A KID.  How fucked up do the parents have to be to have their kid either aware of them not getting along, or maybe the father is a miserable SOB, who knows.  But it's just sad.  I think every kid deserves to grow up in a house where they are loved and happy - and around people that are happy.  My kid is almost 15, and he still loves me and wants to hang out with me.  I don't (I hope) think we'll ever get to the stage where he hates me or doesn't want to be around me.  Maybe it's my parenting, maybe not.  But I have to be doing something right. 

To that girl, I'd say - you have 2 years left and you can get out of that house and then your life will begin.  Don't let your parents screw up your future relationships - look for something better than what they have and don't you EVER settle for less than what you deserve.

Hang in there. 

Me...

Life....

is very boring lately.  Which isn't really a bad thing, but I hate boring.  It's so... well.... boring. 

I've been working at a "new" job since June.  I'm not quite sure why they hired me, because my skill level is a lot higher than what this job demands.  So as a result, I'm sitting half the day doing things that just take up time.  Like... oh.... writing a blog post.  Or putting together catalogs for chocolate parties.  Yes, that's right.  Chocolate.  Parties.  Two words that you never thought you'd see together, right?  lol

I finally got a court date.  October 4th.  Which happens to be right before the baby daddy's birthday.

The interesting readers seem to have tapered off, maybe they got the information they were looking for?  In any case, they never contacted me.  Which is really too bad, because I think everyone has a right to the whole story.  Which I'm sure is somewhere in between mine and his, but anyway.  Maybe they're smart and figured it all out for themselves? 

School starts on the 6th.  I'm going to officially be the mother of a high-schooler.  Yikes!  But I guess that's funny considering that people I went to high school with are grandparents.  Holy shit, I don't feel that old.  I'm not that old.  I'm not, dammit!!  LOL

Happy Hump Day.  I'm off to find some work to do :)

Friday! Yay!

OK - well that interesting visitor issue seems to have stopped.  Nothing like a little shout out to make peeps disappear... LOL

I haven't done a Friday Fill-In for a while... so...

...here we go!




1. The only question is "would you like the red or white sangria?".



2. There aren't enough hours in one day to get all my stuff done.



3. Three things on my desk: coffee, iPod touch, tweezers (don't ask LOL).



4. Re-doing the birthday list @ work is the one thing I HAVE to do today!



5. I love playing with babies.  there's nothing like a belly laugh from a little one. 



6.Too much perfume overwhelms the senses.



7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cleaning student houseing for the extra $$ and then SLEEP, tomorrow my plans include more cleaning and Sunday, I want to lie in the hammock and read my book :)!

Want to play along? Click the link below.

Friday fun time :)

Pssssssst... hey...

you there... yes.  you..  

What is it you're looking for?  Seriously.  You keep coming back.  You do searches under "putz".. you email links to other people. If you click on the label "putz" a lot of posts come up that maybe you should read that might answer some questions. 
But seriously.  Come on.  It's obvious which house you're from - but as to who in that house remains a mystery.  What is it?  Do you have questions?  Ask them!  Comments?  Make 'em!  I'm a nice person - really - in spite of what - if anything - you've been told (by a pathological liar, so keep that in mind).  I'm more than happy to answer questions.  Just ask.  Here's my email - bruceaholic@gmail.com 

Wouldn't life be much easier if you just asked whatever it is that you're looking for?

Domain Name verizon.net ? (Network)


IP Address 72.74.205.# (Verizon Internet Services)

ISP Verizon Internet Services

Location Continent : North America

Country : United States (Facts)

State : Massachusetts

City : Brockton

Lat/Long : 42.0827, -71.0191 (Map)

So I hear...

that this place is pretty cool - I wonder if the boy would like to go there next month while we're in the area....

Forgiveness....

My friends Erin and Pseudo have already done their Spin for the week - click through to click on their posts... and lots of others - here - Spin Cycle. 

Forgiveness is a tough one for me.  I know that it sets me free.  It lightens my load a bit.  Can I forgive and not forget?

I've had some, shall we say, interesting times in my life.  I have met the wrong guys, the wrong friends, some great guys, some great friends - too bad I couldn't tell the right from wrong at the right times. 
But...  I am a believer that it all balances out in the end.   Like karma.  Does wishing bad karma on someone have bad karma come back to get you?  I wonder.

Anyway.  I digress.
Anyone that knows me knows that the past few years have been challenging as far as forgiveness goes.  I was taken for a lot.  I trusted the wrong people.  How do I forgive someone that was instrumental in losing my home, the life I had, and people that I considered family?  She knew what she was doing.  She thought it was fun, like a game to her.   I may have lost it all anyway - but it was the fact that it was because of her that just made it worse.   I forgave my ex a long time ago - he knew no better.  Her?  Ugh.  I try and just be indifferent.  But wish her genital warts.  That's a step, right?

I trusted my son's father when he told me he loved me oh so many years ago.  I've raised the child we created on my own because he's a coward and couldn't/wouldn't grow a spine.  He hates me because I called him out on his shit and stood up for myself and refused to be treated like shit, and he takes that out on our son by having nothing to do with him.  Is that a forgivable offense?  I don't know.  It's hard to forgive someone that has the capacity to hurt someone that is so dear to me. 

Pat Monahan, from the band Train (one of my faves) blogged about letting go here (and it's a great blog, fun to read!). 

See, I know it's not just me.

Do I let it consume my life?  No.  Do I dwell on it?  Sometimes.   Do I think of doing things to get back?  Don't we all?  I just don't act on the thoughts.  That's progress, right?

Sigh...

I've admitted when I've been wrong and asked for forgiveness and gotten it - but none of the things I ever did were that bad.  But still, why can't it be that easy to give it?

I'm working on it. 

Lots of really bizarre shit....

So I got paid last week from my old job.  Won't get paid until the 7th from the new job.  Apparently the old job OVERpaid me, so they waited a week and then reversed the deposits.  And of course - I paid bills with that money.  So it's not there.  And it overdrafts my account.  FANfuckingtabulous.  Then I hit (and kill) a bird on the way to work.  Then it rains.  And my windows are open.  And I have on a white shirt.  I have rather large American breasteses.  'Nuff said about that.

A couple of days ago, I'm talking to my good friend Stevie.  Her son plays on the same baseball team as the FFW's youngest son.  (For anyone that doesn't know about her, there are many posts tagged with "FFW" that give the back story) Hmmph.  Well Stevie has been around since pretty much the beginning after I moved out of the Fuckwit's house, and knows the whole story.  And she says to me that she had a conversation last week with the FFW.  Who knows that we're good friends.  And she says "you know, I kind of liked her.  She seemed very sweet and genuine"... ...  And then proceeds to tell me that they talked about me.  And the FFW has *NO* idea what she ever did to get me so mad.  She *hates* having enemies, and just doesn't understand it all.  And then went on about how I wrote a blog about her, and it was just horrible (for anyone that read it - LOL 'ya think???)..  Anyway.  She had Stevie pretty much snowed.  So I did something.  I wrote her (the FFW) an email.  Here:

OK,

so let me get this straight.  You have NO idea why I ever stopped being your friend?  You have NO idea what ever could have gotten me so upset?

So then answer me these questions - because really, if you had NO idea - I'd love to know the answers..

Why did you continue to call T in California after I asked you not to?

If I could find the email I sent you about friendship and what that meant, I'd resend it to you - and ask you to answer it now.  Because you didn't when I sent it to you.  But from what I understand, you agreed with pretty much everything I had to say in it. 

Why did he Theo of a sudden think he had a chance with you?  From what I understood - it was because that would get him to break up with me - and get me out of the way, right?  Then nobody would be asking you to take any responsibility.  You could continue to live rent free.  Use the lake house any time you wanted.  Use the cars any time you wanted.  Because God knows he wasn't going to call you on it. 

Why was it that me asking you to be more responsible for yourself and your kids turned into "Kathy's being mean to me"?

Why did you laugh when you found out Josh was devastated about T and I breaking up - or do you deny that?  Why did your kid feel that it was OK to walk past him in the hall and say "you suck"  "your mom sucks"  "your Mom stole from us/T"... Which you know damn well wasn't true. 

Do you deny that you lived off of T's generosity for over FOUR YEARS???  Do you deny that you ever made fun of him behind his back?  Do you deny getting pissed off when my son said that we let you live in the house for free?  Because that was the truth?

Fact is - T didn't even know you.  *I* introduced you to him.  *I* asked him to let you live in that house rent free for a while to help you get back on your feet because I was in a position to help and wanted to pay it forward.  It wasn't until later that I found out you lied about C and the reasons you wanted out from that relationship.  Was it really because he asked you to contribute a few hundred bucks a month to the household expenses? 

So come on.  Really.  I'm dying to hear your reasoning.  You want to be my friend?  Prove it.  Acknowledge what you did.    And here's the kicker  - like that friendship letter, you have no idea who I've copied on this.  Who else is going to be wondering what your answers are. 

I don't care about T.  I don't care about what he did - because really, he never knew any better.  And my life is better without him in it.  And in reality, he and I would have broken up eventually anyway - but I would have rather had it be on my terms.  Certainly not yours.   And I think you knew exactly what you were doing.  So, let's see if you can admit it.  Own up to what you did. 

I would never ask someone not to befriend you - or not to be friends with you.  But I will make sure that they know what you're really like.  Unless, of course, you care to clear up any misconceptions I may have about you. 


And then, because that may have been a bit harsh.  I sent her this one.



I'm sorry if this sounded a bit harsh - but really, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.  If you can answer these questions and explain to me why I was so misled about everything - I'm all ears.


That was Monday.  And I told Stevie that I sent her that.  And said if she wanted to read them, she was more than welcome to.  And we agreed that if she responded, that would mean that what she was telling Stevie was really the truth and she was being genuine.  And if she didn't respond and ignored it, then she was still a manipulative, conniving, filthy fucking whore. 

What do you think she did??

Father's Day...

Oy.  Father's Day.  This one is a toughie for me, always has been.

While I wish my father a wonderful father's day - it's a tough one on my son (or for me, not so much him).

We were walking by cards last week in Walmart, and he started laughing when he saw one that said "hey Dad, thanks for everything".. he asked if that would be appropriate to send to his Dad - with a sarcastic twist (wow, he really is my kid LOL).  And he always refers to him as "my Dad"..  I always refer to him as "your father".  Big difference there. 

He was around for the first year.  Kind of.  When Josh had surgery at 13 weeks, he showed up in the hospital on his way to work.  After the surgery was over, said and done.  I was the one that was there at 5:30 am to hand him over to the anesthesiologist, not knowing if I'd ever see him again.  Thank God my stepmother came with me for support, otherwise I'd have been on my own.   We'd meet every once in a while and take a walk, or he would use wanting to see him as an excuse to see me.  Guess I hadn't learned yet.   Josh was just starting to say "DaDa" when he saw him when the shit hit the fan.  On his first birthday, Kevin stopped in (of course on his way to work) and spent 10 minutes with him.  I'd sat around all day, waiting for him to come and spend time with his child.  I postponed a birthday party so he could see him.  Because, really, what kind of person would I be if I didn't do everything I could to make sure that my son knew his father?  I snapped.  I told him that he was more than welcome to see his child any time he wanted - but he had to be consistent and not sneak around to do it.  Not asking much, right?  I decided that what had been good enough for me was definitely not good enough for my son.  He never made an effort to see him again.  We'd run into each other and Josh would say hello to the nice policeman, but I wouldn't tell him that was "Dad".  He didn't deserve it at that point. And because we lived near each other, one question I brought up was "what happens if we run into each other in the store and he sees you?  Calls you Dad?  what are you going to do - run away"...  His response "of course not".. Thank goodness it never happened, because I think that's what he would have done. 

When I found out I was pregnant, I gave him the option of walking away - said "now is your chance to leave, if you want nothing to do with this baby - walk away now, no strings attached".  His response "what do you think I am, an asshole"?  Um. YES?  But at that point I was still in love, trying to regain my dignity and self-respect and getting pregnant by a married man wasn't where I wanted my life to go.  Oh, hadn't heard that story?  I thought I'd posted about it before, but can't find it to link to it.  Suffice it to say it wasn't one of the smartest decisions in my life.   Anyway, I digress...  He chose not to walk away.  And then got mad at me when I took him to court for child support.   Really?  Really?   Anyway - we came to a truce of sorts, and would run into each other and say hello, and he'd spend a couple of minutes with Josh and then be all sad because he wasn't a part of his life.  Whatever - your choice, dude.

He had another child with another girlfriend (Jeanne) a couple of years before me.  She and I became great friends and our kids knew each other (but not that they were siblings).  That ended when I caught her sleeping with Kevin again - him cheating on his wife (yet again) and her cheating on her husband.  Her daughter didn't know him as her father, thought that Jeanne's husband was her father.  There's more to the story, but I'm trying to make this short and sweet.  Right?  LOL

Josh wrote him a letter when he was 7 or 8.  He ignored it.  He's had his attorney come to me in court and say "he just wants to make it clear he wants nothing to do with this child" - and my response was that he'd made that crystal clear for years.  She indicated with her tone and manner that she thought he was a piece of shit.  Really?  Tell me something I don't know.   I told him that he'd had the opportunity to walk away when I was pregnant and he chose not to do that. I flat out told him that since he decided that this child is going to grow up without a father, I decided that he would lack for nothing else - and that Kevin would pay for it.  So every time I can - I take him back for an increase in child support.  And make it clear that if he'd #1 - walked away when he had the chance, we wouldn't be there.  And #2 - if he were a decent human being, we wouldn't be there.

He and his wife have since divorced, he and Jeanne now live together and he plays father of the year to their daughter (who has been introduced and accepted into the family - not quite sure how that was handled...) and the 3 kids he had with his ex-wife.   And who knows about their youngest half-sibling, Josh?  None of them.  Because that would make him look like an asshole.  Really? 

So yeah.  Happy fucking father's day Kevin.  You're a piece of shit and I think deep down, you know that.  I can only hope that some day karma bites you in the ass...

Alllllllrighty then!

Lots going on - I graduated May 1st, with some surprise guests that went beyond my wildest expectations - my aunt Harriet's best friend, my bff from 1st grade, another friend from elementary school, 3 cousins my sister and a whole lot of beer.  LOL  A good - no, make that GREAT - time was had by all and it was a much needed "family" visit for me.  I have been pretty homesick lately, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  The only one missing from the picture is my friend Kim, who pulled it all together - and she is missing only because she TOOK the picture!  She got me goooood - apparently they'd been planning this since last year.  And those that know me - know that I'm the one usually pulling things on people, not the one that gets gotten.  LOL

Here is a picture of us all :)

I've been looking for a new job for a while - and finally got a great one.  I'm going from working for the county to working for the state - it's a great "foot ind the door" position, and I hope it will lead to great things.  :)  It was great to be able to give my notice, and I think I made it clear that because I felt I wouldn't go anywhere through the county, that I felt I had to leave for better opportunities.  It's pretty sad the way people aren't recognized for their hard work and efforts.  Oh well. On to bigger and better things.

I sent an email to the MPU (male parental unit) telling him that the boy is curious about his siblings and giving him the option of telling the other kids himself or letting them find out through numerous sources - we have many mutual friends that up until now have kept quiet, the boy could find them on facebook and friend them - can you say "awkward?!?"..  or he could control how/when they find out and tell them himself.  What do you all think happened?  Oh, wait, I'm sorry - I can't hear anything with my head stuck in the sand.  This will all go away, right?  Right?

In any case, I apologize to the innocent people of the state of MA that have to deal with a grumpy trooper.  It's not you, it's him.

Secrets....

I thought this was another one worthy of reposting..  Again, another one for you JB :)

When you block people on facebook/twitter/etc. - stop and think why.  Why?  What are you so afraid of them finding out?  That you've been a badge bunny since forever?  That all you ever wanted was a cop?  Congratulations!  You got one!  What a stellar example of a man you've gotten yourself there, huh?  Such a role model for his kids.   Oh, wait?  They don't want to have much to do with him either?  Not a shock there.   And he gets along so well with his coworkers, too... 



Secrets have a way of creeping up on you, and when you least expect it - BAM!  smacking you right in the face.

I've always been an honest person.  Sometimes too honest.  And I've always told people that the only person you should really lie to is your mother, because mothers really don't need to know everything.  (Don't tell the boy this though, ok? lol)

I've never lied to my child as to who his father is.  He knows his name.  I have maybe omitted some pertinent information because he's not old enough to handle it - but the older he gets the more he is told.  Like now he knows he has 2 half-brothers and 2 half-sisters.  He also knows their names.  I see no reason to lie about this.  They're related.  I have owned up to my responsibilities and I am raising my child on my own.  His father, because he is pissed off at me (I know, right - after all these years?  Get over it - and yourself) refuses to have anything to do with the boy.  He plays father of the year to the other 4.   Three found out a few years ago that they have another sister and have welcomed her into the family.  But they, on the other hand, know nothing about my son.  Two are in their 20's - one is even getting married this year.  They're more than old enough to know. 

If there were a secret like this in your family - would you want to know ?  Or would you rather find out from a curious 14-15 year old kid that friends you on Facebook?  Or a picture from someone's blog?

It's not the boy's place (or really, mine) to tell them that their father is an asshole.  It really should be on him, shouldn't it?  It's not my secret...

Fine......................

LOL

I was tagged by Staci for the Honest Scrap award :) Yippeeeee... another award!



The rules are simple, list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! Then tag up to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap Award.

Sigh.... Here goes. :)

1. I love to cook. I often end up wasting food because I only cook for myself - the boy only likes chicken nuggets, bagels, spaghetti - plain stuff like that. I love to experiment, but nobody else is around to try it. And I can only eat so much. And I'm a darn good cooker, too. :)
2. Some days I wonder what I was thinking, knowingly taking on the role of being a single parent. It's been 12 years, and while I think that my son is the greatest gift and my most wonderful achievement - what the heck was I thinking?!?!?!?
3. His father is the one person that broke my heart. I don't think that I will ever find the love that I felt like that for anyone else. Even if ultimately he never did love me - at one time, I loved him with every fiber of my being. It was like my whole world stopped when he walked into a room. To know that I meant nothing to him at the time was just devastating.
4. I miss my friends at "home". While I have some great friends here, it's not the close-knit group that I had back in MA, and more often than not on the weekends I don't do anything.
5. It hurts my feelings when I ask friends what's going on for the weekend and either I get no answer, or a "nothing" and then find out later they all got together and nobody remembered to call me.
6. I am the Queen of Procrastination. I will clean, bake, do laundry - anything to get out of doing something that I know has to get done. My accounting homework is a great example of that. LOL
7. There are people in my life that I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive, for various reasons and offenses.
8. I think the chances of me finding a nice guy that wants to be with an overweight, over 40 woman with an ADHD kid are probably slim to none. I've accepted that, though. It's the whole "never having sex" again thing I have a hard time with. And I'm not a fan of toys - I like the real thing, fanks. It kills me to think that the last sex I'll ever have was mediocre (at best). Ugh.
9. I have horrible nightmares about something happening to my son. I know it's every parent's worst fear. He really is my reason for being, and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to him.
10. I cry easily. Commercials, pictures, people I don't know - you name it, I can cry.

NOW.... Who can I tag... LOL

You. You. You!~ And YOU too!!
(you know who you are ROFL)