Friday, July 8, 2011


My friends Erin and Pseudo have already done their Spin for the week - click through to click on their posts... and lots of others - here - Spin Cycle

Forgiveness is a tough one for me.  I know that it sets me free.  It lightens my load a bit.  Can I forgive and not forget?

I've had some, shall we say, interesting times in my life.  I have met the wrong guys, the wrong friends, some great guys, some great friends - too bad I couldn't tell the right from wrong at the right times. 
But...  I am a believer that it all balances out in the end.   Like karma.  Does wishing bad karma on someone have bad karma come back to get you?  I wonder.

Anyway.  I digress.
Anyone that knows me knows that the past few years have been challenging as far as forgiveness goes.  I was taken for a lot.  I trusted the wrong people.  How do I forgive someone that was instrumental in losing my home, the life I had, and people that I considered family?  She knew what she was doing.  She thought it was fun, like a game to her.   I may have lost it all anyway - but it was the fact that it was because of her that just made it worse.   I forgave my ex a long time ago - he knew no better.  Her?  Ugh.  I try and just be indifferent.  But wish her genital warts.  That's a step, right?

I trusted my son's father when he told me he loved me oh so many years ago.  I've raised the child we created on my own because he's a coward and couldn't/wouldn't grow a spine.  He hates me because I called him out on his shit and stood up for myself and refused to be treated like shit, and he takes that out on our son by having nothing to do with him.  Is that a forgivable offense?  I don't know.  It's hard to forgive someone that has the capacity to hurt someone that is so dear to me. 

Pat Monahan, from the band Train (one of my faves) blogged about letting go here (and it's a great blog, fun to read!). 

See, I know it's not just me.

Do I let it consume my life?  No.  Do I dwell on it?  Sometimes.   Do I think of doing things to get back?  Don't we all?  I just don't act on the thoughts.  That's progress, right?


I've admitted when I've been wrong and asked for forgiveness and gotten it - but none of the things I ever did were that bad.  But still, why can't it be that easy to give it?

I'm working on it. 


Sprite's Keeper said...

You have GOT to forgive me! I didn't see your link until now! So sorry, I'm linking you now and will go hang my head in shame in the corner. (Which is pretty strange in my office since everyone will look at me funny. But I deserve it!)
You're linked!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Okay, now that I've had a chance to read it, my sister is in a familiar boat when it comes to her son and her ex. She does need to work on forgiving him since it's just dragging her down. Sometimes, we need to accept what has been dealt in order to change it to our benefit. It doesn't mean you have to accept someone's behavior, just accept what the situation is and what you need to do to improve it. I think my sister can't get past the whole "everything is my responsibility and he takes absolutely none of the load" and it's really weighing her down.
You're still linked and I hope you'll play this week's on what makes you happy.

gretchen said...

Wow. So sorry. I don't have anything to say but to give it time. It may not really heal all wounds, but at least it lets the scab grow. Okay, that was just the grossest analogy! Sorry.

K Dubs said...

Thanks :)
I'm 14 years into this, so it's kind of life as usual. I try not to think about it and have mostly become immune or indifferent to him, but I think it's because my son has been asking a lot of questions lately, and interjecting his own sarcastic comments into the situation that it just makes me mad.

Anonymous said...

I missed this one too! (Thanks for linking me.)

I know that it's hard, and I find myself being sucked into the spiral even now (especially this week - the vacation w/ dad is turning into a nightmare. Nightly. Frantic. Phonecalls.)

Anyway, I like Gretchen's advice. Time. That works. It will fade eventually.

xoxoxo Hope I get to see you next week - forgive me if my life gets in the way!!

Kate said...

Welcome to the spin. Sounds like you've had a rough go of it. I've been in a similar boat...and it actually made me think about the people I need to forgive that were responsible for costing me my job for the dumbest of all reasons.
For me, forgiveness is accepting that we can't change the past. These 2 women decided they wanted my job, and they went about getting me to resign. By forgiving does that mean I say it's OK? NO! It just is an acceptance that no matter how much I want to travel back in time and change it, I can't. So the only one who it's hurting by hanging on to my anger is me. I just think about both of those women and ask my self if I would want to be them...which the answer is NO! So really (in my head at least) they are the one's that have it bad because they have to live in their bodies and lives and I get to live in mine, which I love! That's a pretty steep consequence for them because I can't imagine how much they must be broken and dead inside to do what they did.
The only reason that we are still in our house is by the generosity of our family. If it weren't for that, I don't know where we would be or how I could face my husband and son each day. I hope you find forgiveness and peace one day (sooner rather than later) not for the other people, but for yourself. You deserve it!

K Dubs said...

Thanks Kate :)
I think I'm about there. I wouldn't want to be either of tehm, that's for sure. I know my son is better off without the jackass in his life - and in a purely selfish moment - I don't have to share him :)
As far as the other one - I just know that karma will eventually catch up with her, and that is enough for me. :)