Monday, June 4, 2012

I'm in it deep already, so what the heck...

So this email I sent to everyone back in February, trying to explain why I was upset and what about.   Big surprise - except for an email from my younger brother, acknowledging my frustration - this was ignored.   I also made it clear that what is happening to my brother is beyond all of our control, and that it's awful - but what we DO have control over?  How we treat each other.   So Kristen, Anonymous?  What do you say now?

Hi all -

I’m not really sure how to say a lot of this without coming across bitchy – so I apologize in advance – but I’m really upset and feel that I need to say something – regardless of the whole situation and why we’re in it.   

When I was at the cottage in July – I had NO idea that it was going to be my last time there.  Had I known what was going on, I might have had an idea that the sale might happen – and I could have looked around to see what, if anything, I would want when the cottage was sold.  But I didn’t know what was going on with K for another couple of months (*my brother waited almost a year to share his diagnosis of ALS with me).

I live in Michigan.  I don’t live in MA.  I don’t have the “luxury” of being able to be there in 45 minutes, which is what I tried to convey back in January when I was asking about taking things out of the house if/when it sold.   When we talked about it back at Thanksgiving, I mentioned to K that one thing I definitely wanted out of the house was the Castle Island print.  He mentioned at the same time that he wanted the print in the living room. 
In January, I also mentioned it in an email to everyone –I thought I was pretty clear. 

So I was very surprised yesterday when I was told that P is taking the print.   Had the situation been reversed, I would have said no, that P wanted it – and that she’d made that clear.  But apparently my thoughts just don’t seem to matter, from what it appears?   I’m SORRY that I live in Michigan right now.  I’m SORRY that I haven’t been there to help.    But does that negate anything other than my ¼ ownership in the cottage?  Apparently so.   For P to be offered the print as a thank you for her help is great – but K – you’re not the owner of all of it.  You’re the trustee.  We ALL own it – and we ALL should have agreed before anything was taken out or given away.   Anything else isn’t fair to anyone.  I hope B was given a chance to say if he wanted anything. 

Had I know that there was even an offer on the house, I would have tried to arrange to fly out and help clear things out – what I wanted completely aside.  I’ve offered a number of times to do this.  But I’m not told about it until all is said and done – and a closing date is within two weeks.  I’m asked “what do you want out of the house” with an almost immediate answer required.   So as a result, there are things that I want that were missed.   I am off on Monday, and could have flown out this weekend – but now buying a last second ticket will cost much more than if I’d bought it even last week. 

Also, I asked about the victrola, and was told that “Dad asked for that” – same with the “DD” sign.  I’m sorry – Dad’s NOT one of the owners of the cottage.  For him to get preference over anyone that IS unfair and not ok as far as I’m concerned.  Dad – love you, BUT the cottage was Mom’s part of the divorce – yours was the sailboat.   Mom left the cottage to the four of us – including its contents.   I think that if K, P, B or I wanted something out of the house – we should have preference over you. 

I’ve been very frustrated and left out of most things – probably because I live in Michigan.  I’ve expressed this frustration a number of times, and still get left in the dark until the very last minute.

And I know that in the end – it’s all just “stuff”.  And the memories are so much more important than any kind of stuff.  But it should have been done fairly, and it wasn’t. 

I was furious about this yesterday, now I’m just upset and sad that whatever I say just doesn’t seem to matter.  And nope – it’s not all about me. 
I get that.  And Peg – I know that I was bitchy yesterday and for that, I apologize.  But you have been pretty bitchy to me throughout this whole process.  And your offer to go get the wagon and leave it at Michelle’s for me was just insulting.  I would have at least asked if there was anything else that you wanted. 

I’ve been awake since 2:30 this morning.  I keep running through my head the fact that I want to move home, and all I can think of now is WHY did I want to do that??

Love to you all –

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